I Can't Really Complain . . . But I Still Do
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Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Does The Name Pavlov Ring a Bell?

Welcome back from wherever you happened to have been this weekend. I thought I would hit ya with something light and funny to ease our way back into life.

My Dad sent me an email full of Puns the other day and I've decided to include some of my favorites for your enjoyment.

So . . . enjoy.

A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative

Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother

A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart

Without geometry, life is pointless

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana

Ben O.

Friday, May 26, 2006

Feedback Friday (#31)

Well, it's Feedback Friday again and I think I'm gonna wimp out this week and steal something from my friend Mark's blog. Actually, I thought it was an insightful question to ask and since he will be a tad busy welcoming his first child into the world this weekend, I'm not too worried about any repercussions.

So, in honor of X-Men 3 hitting the local theatres, I want to know all about your favorite Superhero. (The ladies are gonna love this one . . . not!)

Seriously, everyone's invited to participate . . . superheroes don't have to wear capes and shoot fluorescent lightning bolts out of their eyeballs.

I'll get the fun started (Hello, Sis. C) by pasting in my comments from Mark's Blog -


This is a no-brainer. Wolverine . . . hands down Wolverine.

How cool was he in the comic books and wow! - Hugh Jackman really nails him. I absolutely love the scenes in Alberta where we first meet Logan as he fights bare-fist for money. He is so rough and yet still has the heart of a champion. He smokes (wouldn't you if you could heal your lungs from the inside out?), he never shaves, he is totally buff, he can heal himself and he has these insanely cool, unbreakable blades that come out of his hands to dispatch with whoever crosses his path.

No contest - He laughs at spandex wearing superheroes such as Daredevil (much better in the comicbooks than with Ben Affleck ruining him onscreen), Superman, Spidey and the rest. I do like the Dark Knight interpretation of Batman, though. I guess I prefer the darker side of my comic book superheroes. Punisher and Iron Man were always up near the top as well.

Great question - I might have to steal this one!

Ben O.


And, as you can see . . . I stole it.

Ben O.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Great . . . Another Freakin' iPod Post

Okay, here's something mildly interesting for ya . . .

(or not)

Apparently, Federated Department Stores (most recognizably - Macy's) is going to install iPod vending machines in some of their stores. Yep, that's actually what it says . . . iPod vending machines. Presumably, any old customer (with $399 in quarters) can just waltz right up and partake of the digital music revolution. You don't want to get left behind, you know.

Now, here is the question I want answered - Can I get a couple of snickers and one of those microwaveable pseudo-hamburger-like sandwiches with it? That would really be progress.

Man cannot live on music alone.

So, check out this scenario - after an unbelievably lengthy (and excrutiatingly frustrating) exercise of bill straightening, you finally get all 300 of those gnarly lil' suckers inserted into the machine, you punch B3 (the code for a white iPod Nano - because isn't it just the fashizzle), and then, as the item starts to ratchet forward . . . it gets stuck. We've all been there. No amount of swearing and pounding on the machine will ever free you from your pathetically lame world of used CDs and burned out cassette tapes, my friend. You might as well exit the mall and drive off into the sunset . . . forever trapped in the hideous vortex of your non-iPod-having life.

Sweetness was so close . . . almost within your grasp . . . merely centimeters away . . . and then . . . {poof} . . . it's all gone.

Oh the humanity!

Ben O.

Monday, May 22, 2006

Sir . . . Your Next

Okay, here's one for ya . . .

I just happened to be surfing through the "creepy-but-amazingly-still-legal" section of eBay again last night before leaving the PS branch office and . . . as of of 2:37 AM, the highest bid for my ultra-rare collection of "slightly-used" celebrity chewing gum was just under $745. Not too bad, considering I don't even have Burt Reynolds or that lady who played Flo on the sitcom "Alice".

Now I'm certainly no financial expert, but doesn't it seem a tad strange that every single suburban soccer mom in line at Albertsons is willing to fork over $39.50 for a limited edition "Mork from Ork" Pez dispenser on eBay, but blanches noticeably when the price of a gallon of gasoline gets anywhere near the cost of a mocha at Starbucks? Hey, I don't like having to pay off my fuel bill in installments either, but that doesn't mean that I'm shelling out miniature Benjamin Franklin portraits to some lady named Queen Ebayla with one hand while way over on the other side of my body, the other hand just happens to be holding a "will work for food" sign.

See . . . this is what makes America such a wonderful country. The last time I checked (and I check about as often as my electrified ankle bracelet will allow), there was absolutely no wording in the Constitution even remotely limiting my (and your) right to stay up all freakin' night spending ridiculous mountains of un-budgeted cash purchasing the most obscure collector bling that eBay, in all it's supreme bizarreness, has to offer. It just ain't there . . . not even next to that little 1st amendment thingy.

So, what am I trying to say?

Who knows (or cares for that matter).

But, I do know this much . . .

If I lose out on another toaster that burns the image of David Hasselhof onto the toast, I'm gonna have to get medieval on somebody's head. It's as simple as that.

And don't think I don't know how to use these nunchucks.

Ben O.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Feedback Recap

Well, I've been called out. Yes Sir - my beloved younger sister (Sis C.) was checking out the blog a couple of days ago and wanted to know which movie I would love to be pasted into.

Apparently, I never gave my own response while everyone else was busy waxing poetic on the subject. This got me thinking that I should probably go back and fill the masses in on my answers to some recent Feedback Friday questions that I never actually answered on the first go around.

I can feel the excitement building. It's like a strange purple fog of anticipation growing heavier and denser . . . no wait, that's just Biff singing to his "Wild Parsley" plants that he keeps down in the sub-basement and for some strange reason, won't let anyone else go near.

So, without further ado - Here are my answers to selected Feedback Friday (or Saturday) questions from the archives.

Feedback Friday (#29) - If you could be in any movie, which movie would you be in?

This is easy . . . I would totally be in Bladerunner. For my money that is the coolest vision of the future that has ever been presented so far. Every time I watch that flick, I always want to just walk the streets and soak up the bizarre mix of cultures. Flying cars wouldn't be too terrible either.

Feedback Saturday (#28) - What is your favorite song?

Gotta be "Shine on You Crazy Diamond" by Pink Floyd. It is just a cool, moody and not to mention lengthy chunk of output from one of the best pure rock bands out there. I love how it is broken up into like 17,000 parts. And to think it came out while the rest of the world was busy disco-dancing their lil' booties off . . . amazing.

Feedback Friday (#27) - What is your least favorite part of your personality?

Okay, let's just skip over that one shall we.

Actually, it would have to be my negativity. Most people who know me would probably say that I'm pretty upbeat and likeable, but I do have a negative side and it often gets the best of me.

We'll leave it at that.

Feedback Saturday (#26) - What is your favorite TV show theme song?

The all-time best TV show theme song was from Twin Peaks. It was a song called "Falling" and it was magical. Other great theme songs are from Simon & Simon, Cheers, Night Court, Welcome Back Kotter, Miami Vice and Law & Order. I like it when the song really fits the show.

Well, that's it for now, but it's been fun. We might have to re-visit this again sometime.

Ben O.

Saturday, May 13, 2006

Feedback Saturday (#30)

Okay people, here's the scoop - Yesterday was Feedback Friday, Today is Feedback Saturday (because as any persistent reader will tell you, I get a bit lazy sometimes on Friday) and Tomorrow is Mother's Day.

So, what does it all mean?

Duh . . . it means I had better get some quality input collected and pronto or PS management is going to make good on their long-standing threat to take away my key to the restroom.

Not cool.

Actually, it means that I've decided to go with a decidedly softer and cuddlier theme this week - Mom. Ain't she great?

I don't know much, but I'm pretty sure that each and every one of us has or at least had a Mother at some point, so nobody gets a pass on this one.

I want to know your favorite thing about your Mother.

This shouldn't be too terribly difficult.

In fact, I'll go ahead and get this party started . . .

There are a bunch of things about my Mom that I love, but I'll let you all in on this little secret - my Mom makes the world's best pancakes. I'm not kidding. They totally rock. And, get this . . . we eat them with peanut butter. (Try it sometime, it's actually pretty darn good.)

Okay, now it's your turn.

This should be fun . . .

Ben O. (Thanks for everything, Mom . . . and Happy Mother's Day)

Friday, May 12, 2006

T-Shirt Logic

Evil Twin Biff

(We all pitched in . . . but Biff wanted his name to be on the gift.)


Dude, I totally missed Bono's Birthday. No cake. No ice cream. No nothing.

Oh, the shame of it. Evil Twin Biff is down in the sub-basement right now crying his eyes out. No, wait . . . I stand corrected. That isn't crying, it sounds more like a box of twinkies being put in a blender with some gummy worms and a quart of stale peach-flavored wine cooler. (Don't ask how I know that.)

I can just see Bono, sitting alone by the phone waiting for someone to call him and wish him a Happy Birthday. Sometimes it can be lonely at the top . . . don't I know it, Brother!

Well, better late than never.

Happy Birthday, Paul.

Ben O.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Is There A Doctor In The House?

The top 7 things you least want to hear from the surgeon right before being put under . . .

1. "With all the voices in my head, it's like you're getting an entire team of physicians for the price of one."

2. "Hey, you're that schmuck who flipped me off in traffic the other day."

3. "Gettin' in there is the easy part . . . it's the sewing 'em up part that always gives me fits."

4. "The last time I performed this particular procedure Truman was in the White House."

5. "Nurse! Can you bring me a six-pack of Michelob and a couple of those miniature bottles of Peach Schnapps to calm my nerves, please?"

6. "My horoscope said I should be adventurous today . . . how do you feel about gills?"

7. "Okay, Mr. Jones . . . When you wake up, those bothersome kidneys will be nothing but a bad memory."

For my Dad - a true doctor

Ben O.

Friday, May 05, 2006

Feedback Friday (#29)

Okay people, it's that time again . . .

Feedback Friday

How's about letting our hair down and and getting a lil' bit funky this week?

I've been thinking about his one for awhile now and darned if it ain't time to ask you guys . . .

If you could be in any movie, which movie would you be in?

That's it . . . that's the question.

Tell us all about the movie you want to be inserted into and why.

Sound like fun?

I know I'm looking forward to reading those crazy PS reader comments.

Ben O

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

T-Shirt Logic

Evil Twin Biff