I Can't Really Complain . . . But I Still Do
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Location: Colorado

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

And The Award is Awarded To . . .

So I'm watching my old-fashioned, non-tivo-having, low definition TV and in-between all of the commercials for the newest and greatest cell phones starring Peyton Manning and that ultra-annoying "can you hear me now?" doofus, I'm pretty sure I witnessed the most elusive and rare occurrence in the entertainment world . . . a solid hour where nobody gave anyone any awards.

Somewhere up in the Pacific Northwest, Sasquatch is reading this and just got his feelings hurt because he's no longer the rarest sight to be seen.

Anyway, in typical PS fashion, we don't just report the news . . . we live it!

So, I've decided to have my very own awards show.

Now, I'm no dummy. I know this has been tried many, many times already across the internet to far less impressive fanfare. Inferior bloggers than I (is that even possible?) have attempted and failed miserably at achieving recognizably sustainable humor because their skills were not finely honed enough. And, they didn't pay the gallery adequately to get them to laugh.

So, without further prolonged ado . . .

I give you the First Annual Procrastination Station "Look at Me, I'm Famous!" Awards show.

Here's how this is going to work. (And it WILL work . . .) Instead of Feedback Friday for the next week or so, We need all the input we can get from any and all readers on possible categories and worthy souls. Keep in mind this is fun-time (it ain't real, people), so try and avoid such obvious notions as "Best Picture", "Best Album" and "Best Performance in a Gap Commercial".

In true, Britney Agui-lohan fashion, we're eliminating any and all distinctions between TV, Film (that's movies to us ordinary folk) and Music. Anyone who wants to be famous and pretend they are a serious actor, can be. That's how our lil' awards show is gonna play out, Dog. Incidentally (in true real-word fashion), we're also eliminating any and all distinctions between quality and putrified crapola, in case you were wondering what that gosh-awful smell was.

So, let us not keep the gliterati waiting too long. They won't know what to do with themselves if we're not fawning zombie-like over them for a whole week.

Bust out that Dolce & Gabana swan dress Bjork, 'cause it's party time!

Ben O.

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Don't Make Me Come Back There

As any frequent reader will attest - I enjoy a good comic.

Here's one for ya . . .

Enjoy - Ben O.

BTW - If you haven't already, leave a comment for the Caption Contest down below.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Super Fantastic Caption Contest (#30)

Do I even need to say that it's that time again?

Is anyone even out there?

Hello . . . anyone . . . Beuller?

(The sad part is that most people don't even get that one anymore. Oh the shame of it.)

Enough of my nonsense - let's get to this week's contest.

I like the picture this week.

Can't wait to read those comments . . .

Ben O.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Let's Watch it Again!

Okay people,

It's time to address an issue that routinely plagues those of us who get older each day. That being the gap between how techno-savvy you thinks you is and the harsh, cold reality of how techno-retarded you actually are (like that grammar?).

Now, let me preface this already-too-lengthy rant by saying that I was among the first 250 people in line at Gibsons when Pac-Man came out for Atari (Don't believe me - check the photo.) So, I know a thing or two about hip, ultra-modern technological advances. I don't like to toot my own horn too often, but I've even downloaded songs from the internet.

I know . . . how do I stand myself with all that coolness?

So, here's the shocking part of this lil' story - amidst all the state-of-the-art comings and goings of my 21st century life, I suddenly realized that I had never posted anything to Youtube. For those of you who have never heard of Youtube, it's a website devoted entirely to the storing and spreading of homemade videos. We're not talking George Lucas, Stephen Spielberg or even Marty Flozenblatt here people . . . these videos are bare-bones at best. The other night, I think I watched a guy sitting at his kitchen table in the dark staring at his cheerios for 29 minutes, but I might have just been having a bad nightmare.

The point is that Youtube is the newest, hottest thing and in this wild and woolly world of unprecedented outdatedness, if you want to survive . . . you sometimes have to just close your eyes, pluck a few nose hairs and hold on for dear life.

So here goes -

My first official post to Youtube - "Snow Truck Removel".


Ben O.

(Backstory - we had been watching this Cable truck trying to get out of the snow all morning when this other, larger truck came along and preceded to hork it right on out. I just happened to be shooting some still pictures of all the freakin' snow, and thought I might want to switch on the video mode for the upcoming event. The rest is cinematic history.)

Friday, January 19, 2007

Feedback Friday (#54)

So I'm surprising my wife today (with the help of some really great friends). Don't worry, the last time she read the blog was back in '76.

The reason I bring it up is that it caused me to wonder about all you wonderful loyal readers out there and the surprises you've pulled off.

See where I'm going with this?

Yep, you guessed it . . .

That's it. That's the assignment this week.

Tell us all about the biggest, coolest, most surprising thing you've ever done for someone else.

Maybe it was the time you ordered 309,756 lime-green ballons and had them delivered to your spouse's workplace (consequently resulting in some forced time off for said spouse). It might be the time you took your best's friends entire home-school support group to the all-night-glow-in-the-dark-bowl-a-thon down at Funtime Lanes. Hey, it might even be that time you saved for a year and rented one of those airplanes to write "Don't listen to what your parents say . . . marry me!" in the sky over the Dolphins first home game. Remember how much fun that one was?

Can't wait to hear all about it.

Ben O.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Super Fantastic Caption Contest (#29)

Hey all you SFCC Fanatics out there!

It's that time again . . .

The picture this week is a little strange, but certainly worthy of the contest.

I can't wait to read all those comments -

Ben O.

Monday, January 15, 2007

The Song of The Week (#6)

Ben O.

What's a lil' Tag Amongst Friends?

Okay people, the ever-popular Sadie Lou over at Sadico Junction has mercilessly hit us with the dreaded Alphabet Tag (in Dungeons & Dragons, that would have been a fatal blow). Seeing has how the general consensus in Blogland is that I need an update something fierce, I thought - what better way to start the week?

Here we go . . .

A - Available/Single or Taken? Totally Taken
B - Best Friend? My ultra-sexy wife and our soon to be newborn baby.
C - Cake or pie? Two words - Apple Pie. 'nuff said.
D - Drink Of Choice? Guinness Stout.
E – Essential Item You Use Everyday? iPod.
F - Favourite Color? Blue. It makes my eyes look oh so pretty.
G - Gummy Bears or Worms? Uh, do I have to pick? These things are nasty.
H - Hometown? Irving, Texas (former home of Texas Stadium)
I - Indulgence? Music. I consider it a hobby (listening, learning about, playing, etc.)
J - January or February? January, I guess. I like them both because they are perfect for skiing here in Colorado.
K - Kids & Their Names? 1 on the way. B/G
L - Life is Incomplete Without? A relationship with God
M - Marriage date? '97
N - Number of Siblings? Two.
O - Oranges or Apples? Apples (Macintosh, Gala and Washington Honeycrisp). I also like those lil' Clementine oranges alot, though.
P - Phobias/Fears? I used to think that I had a fear of flying, but I've since come to realize that in reality what I really have is a fear of crashing into the ground at 500 miles per hour. Go figure.
Q - Favourite (movie) Quote? (From "Raising Arizona") "Son, you've got a panty on your head."
R - Reason to Smile? Good cup of coffee. McDonald's french fries. The little things in life.
S - Season? Spring or Fall? 100% Fall. I like Spring the least (Sorry, Spring.)
T - Tag 3 people?
U - Unknown Fact About Me? I am really not 7 feet tall, like the mainstream media would have you believe.
V - Vegetable you don’t like? What is that strange white broccoli thing. I don't like that too much.
W - Worst Habit? Coke (the drink, not the illegal narcotic).
X - X-rays You’ve Had? Arm and teeth
Y - Your Favorite Food? Pizza and french fries (try them together sometime - it's good)
Z – Zodiac sign? Gemini

Ben O.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Super Fantastic Caption Contest (#28)

Okay people,

Another week, another photo/caption contest.

The picture this time around is a good one. Evil Twin Biff was crushed when management refused to use any of his shots from his recent trip to Deadmoose, Alaska. I actually thought the picture of those three naked golfers and their pet iguana was an exemplary piece of provocative photography, but Mortimer Van Snoofel down in legal said that it wasn't a good idea.

He's probably right.

Evil Twin Biff has been on a bender ever since.

Anyway, here's the picture we actually did decide to use this week . . .

I look forward to reading those comments -

Ben O.

Friday, January 05, 2007

Feedback Friday (#53)

Okay people, here's one for ya . . .

We're only a scant few days into this glorious new year and our mailroom is already overwhelmed with literally mountains (that is, if you are one of those people who uses the word "mountain" to describe a stack of approximately . . . one) of reader mail complaining about how difficult it is to maintain those seemingly ubiquitous New Year's Resolutions.

Never to hide from our civic responsibility, we here at Procrastination Station would like to help.

Here is a thoroughly detailed list of the Top 10 Most Ill-Advised New Year's Resolutions, as researched by the now defunct Greater Cincinnati Elton John Fan Club.

1. I resolve to memorize the Uni-Bomber Manifesto in it's 4,327 page entirety.

2. I resolve to call the members of my old Dungeons & Dragons society and start playing again.

3. I resolve to eat Baked Alaska . . . in Alaska . . . naked.

4. I resolve to break away from the rigors of society and live among the woodland creatures.

5. I resolve to train my body to fold up and fit inside an Ozarka water cooler bottle.

6. I resolve to create a new language that only I can understand and then use it exclusively for the entire year.

7. I resolve to wear capes more.

8. I resolve to practice the Pan Flute until I'm second only to the one and only Zamfir.

9. I resolve to get a tattoo of a different smurf every day for a year.

10. I resolve to quit my job and attempt to make a living solely by writing a blog.

Ben O.

BTW - For the Feedback portion of "Feedback Friday", tell us what your resolutions are this year . . .

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Super Fantastic Caption Contest (#27)

So, it's a new year and everyone's back at their computer frantically surfing over to Procrastination Station to see what new and exciting features have been added.

Sorry, we're sticking with the old, tired features that we had last year.

Here's the Caption Contest picture for the first week of 2007 . . .


Ben O.