I Can't Really Complain . . . But I Still Do
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Location: Colorado

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Super Fantastic Caption Contest (#44)

Hey, it's Back!
No, not complimentary hair removal.
The Super Fantastic Caption Contest.
Can you contain yourselves?
I should think not -

I look forward to checking out all those captions . . .

Ben O.


Monday, July 16, 2007

Feedback Monday (#64)

Say hey - it's Monday!

So, the big Summer of '07 is about half over and what do you have to show for yourself Spicolli?

I thought so, Mister!

We needeth feedback and that's where we've decided to go this morning, devoted readers (excuse me, I mean reader).

We want to know all about the things that you planned on doing this summer but haven't. Fortunately the heatwave ain't completely over yet, so let's name 'em and claim 'em.

Think of it as one part homework and one part life-goal reminder.

Should be interesting at the very least . . .

Ben O.


Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Saving The Planet One Thong at a Time

Okay, here's one for ya . . .

When did a ball cap, neon flip flops and a "Dale Earnhardt Forever" jersey become the outfit of choice for everything from weddings to funerals?

I'm no expert, but it seems pretty clear that the big "dress-down" experiment we all so enthusiastically embarked upon a few years ago is currently failing faster than a stoner in advanced algebra. Apparently, everyone, myself included, was so eager to ditch the suit and tie for something a lil' bit more comfortable that we never even gave a passing thought to what the future might hold. Well, the future is now and it's none too pretty my Hawaiian-print encrusted compadre.

So, put down that venti non-fat latte, remove that ridiculous bluetooth ear-phone monstrosity and lend me your bruised and battered sense of fashion for a few precious moments.

It's time to right the ship . . .

First of all, "Coach" shorts have never, are never and will never be in style and are supremely unfashionable unless you happen to find yourself standing on the sideline wearing a little metal whistle around your neck. Burn them immediately.

Okay, now that that is out of the way, let's get down to some fashion do's and don't's that should be (but sadly, aren't) common sense.

- Wicker should be sat upon, not worn turban-style around the head. At last count, at least 3 people had died or complained of severe headaches due to complications from being stabbed in the forehead by stray strands of wood.

- Pith helmets, tank-tops, chain-mail armor, fishing waders and anything bearing the likeness of Celine Dion are just a few of the items that should never be worn to Church.

- Clothes made out of paper should never be worn in public, unless you are particularly forgetful and are constantly in need of a place to jot down little notes to yourself.

- If the words "parachute" and "pants" are found anywhere on the label, put the item down and slowly (make that, quickly) exit the boutique. You'll thank me later.

- Emulating a fashion icon can be productive as long as it's not a member of the now defunct hardcore metal band "Skull Slap 3000".

- Just because you're hungry does not entitle you to leave the house in an edible garment. Save it for your honeymoon, Romeo.

Stay safe out there -

Ben O.

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Monday, July 02, 2007

Feedback Monday (#63)

Okay, here's a good one for ya . . .

Naturally every single person out there who has ever read a word of this drivel is absolutely perfect.

But, let's pretend for a second that there was actually some little thing about yourself that didn't quite meet with those ultra-high standards.

In this fairy-pretend land . . . let's say that you could magically change that part of yourself and instantly become all that you were meant to be.

And you and the giant toad and the little people would all ride off into the Hollywood induced sunset.

Unfortunately, the World (even the pretend World here within the comfy confines of Procrastination Station) won't allow for such shenanigans.

Even so, that's your homework assignment this week.

We want to know all about that part of yourself that you would change were you able to do so.

It can be a physical trait, a supposed personality flaw or even an inability to understand and appreciate the humor of certain Scandinavian comedians.

We just want to hear about it.

So, let's hear about it.

Ben O.