I Can't Really Complain . . . But I Still Do
My Photo
Location: Colorado

Friday, June 30, 2006

The Last Post Ever in June of '06

So I'm watching the "Fullhouse" Marathon on Nickelodeon, because between you and me I just can't get enough of that wacky uncle what-ever-his-name-is and all those crazy hi-jinks, and I'm about 17 hours in and the air is getting thinner and the walls are moving a little bit closer with the passing of each and every unbearable moment and then all of a sudden it hits me . . . I can turn that box off.

I don't even have to walk over to it . . . I can use the remote.



Blessed Silence.

So, what do we do to fill the void?

Read . . . Write . . . Talk . . . Walk . . . Strap my favorite homemade velvet and burlap saddle on the neighbor kid's shetland pony and pretend like I'm Clint Eastwood again?

Quite frankly, it doesn't matter (and for the record . . . that wasn't me) as long as neither butt cheek is touching the couch.

Feels pretty good, huh?

Ben O.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Super Fantastic Caption Contest (#4)

Oh Joy - it's Tuesday again and in case you didn't notice (and judging by that burning smell, most of you haven't), that means that it's time for another wonderful edition of the ever-popular Super Fantastic Caption Contest . . . or as the boys down in the newly remodeled janitorial hall like to call it - "Words for Nerds".

(Evil Twin Biff's just jealous because his T-Shirt iron-on machine is broken and he hasn't been able to post any T-Shirt Logics lately.)

Moving on . . . I think this week's photo is a gem.

Can't wait to read those comments.

Ben O.

Monday, June 26, 2006

They Don't Make 'em Like They Used To

Okay, here's one for ya . . .

Remember the "Golden Days of Yore" (I'm not really sure what that means, actually) when people would save their money for months and months in order to purchase the newest and coolest device out there that they had been fantasizing about forever, and upon attaining ultimate glory, would never let the device out of their sight while successfully playing it into that familiar "scratched-to-hell" appearance and the ever popular "burned-out-yet-somehow-still-able-to-perform" oblivion?

Me too - although not fondly.

I actually have a Walkman that I think was made before Justin Timberlake was born. It still plays music, but don't even try to put a CD in it or download your favorite songs from iTunes.

No Sir - I have two words for ya . . .

Cassette Tape

It's not like I actually use it anymore. I'm hip . . . I access the internet.

All I'm gettin' at is that the saying is, at least in this case, entirely true - "They don't make 'em like they used to". This gigantic, plastic monstrosity will undoubtedly still be chuggin' away long after Steve Jobs and all those lil' white boxes have all disappeared into some unspeakable digital vortex of random bits and bytes.

Too bad all my tapes melted away long ago on the dash in the midday heat. I was looking forward to jamming with a little Asia.

(Ten points to anyone who can actually name 3 Asia songs).

Ben O.

Friday, June 23, 2006

Feedback Friday (#35)

Okay, here's one for ya . . .

Have you ever wondered what the heck they were thinking when our esteemed legislators took less time than it takes Ashlee Simpson to lipsynch a song into oblivion, to pass a law declaring it henceforth illegal to possess 7 lbs. of crack cocaine with the intent to sell at a grossly inflated price to elementary school-age kids, but inexplicably . . . pimpin' out your ride all up in my face with the new Vanilla Ice-meets-the Chipmunks remix of Copa Cabana turned mercilessly up to 11 is still only a class C misdemeanor?

Somethin' ain't right . . . that's all I'm sayin'.

Biff, get back in your box!

Now that that's out of the way and we've all had a chance to loosen up a bit and most, if not all of us (at least those that remain) are thoroughly jiggy and such, maybe we should go ahead and snap a chalk line or something and get back on the seemingly straight and startingly narrow.

I actually goofed big-time last week (no surprise there). Much like the forgotten state of the holiday itself (and Dads in general for that matter) I totally spaced and forgot to pay my blog-respects to all the Fathers out there. As any loyal reader will attest, we asked you on Mother's Day what your favorite thing about yo Momma was, but glaringly missed the boat when Father's Day came around.

All three of you are nodding your heads in silent, condemning agreement.

Sorry about that.

Here's the payoff - This week we're gonna go where we should have gone last Friday.

The assignment for the week is to tell us all about your Father. Share with the reading masses your most treasured memory of good ole' Dad. It might be how he always asks if you are passin' your classes even though you've been out of school longer than you were in it. Maybe it's your favorite memory of how you used to shoot fireworks off together in the cotton field dirt of West Texas. Hey, it could even be as subtle as that reassuring feeling that he always gave you that he was really in love with your Mother and wasn't ever going to leave.

This is the place and time to get sentimental, people.

Go ahead . . . you're on the clock.

Should be interesting . . .

Ben O.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Ben's Unabashedly American, "In a Word" World Cup Review (USA - Final Game)

Ben O.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Super Fantastic Caption Contest (#3)

You know the drill -

I'll be back later to check on your progress.

Should be a good one . . .

Ben O.

Saturday, June 17, 2006

Feedback Saturday (#34)

So I'm watching The World Cup and NHL Hockey and NBA Basketball and The US Open and The World Series of Poker and The Professional Mime-Off and The Scripps National Spelling Bee and I've had a few Amstel Lights and darned if I can't tell which way is up anymore.

I'm thinkin' that it would be cool to poll the greatest readers on the planet about which sport they like best.

So. . . that's the assignment this week -

What is your favorite sport?

Please go beyond the obvious and give us some details as well.

Thanks and I look forward to reading all about your input.

Ben O.

(Dang, I'm tired . . . )

Ben's Unabashedly American, "In a Word" World Cup Review (USA - Game 2)

Ben O.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Kiss My Grits!

Top 5 things I would recommend not saying to the waiter or waitress BEFORE the food has arrived -

1. Yo Numbnuts, can you get anything right?

2. Dude, I think I saw you on the "Movie of the Week" last night on TV . . . it was called "Dumb & Dumber".

3. Hey Hotstuff, why don't you scoot those sexy lil' buns of yours on back in there and russle us up some grub.

4. Hello!?! Earth to waiter-boy . . . I asked for some water about an hour ago.

5. That's strike two. One more and you can wave bye-bye to Mr. Tippy-poo.

Ben O.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Super Fantastic Caption Contest (#2)

Believe it or not, it's Tuesday again and that means it's time for another exciting round of input from the best readers in the Blog-World.

I want to thank everyone who posted last week - really great stuff!

I think this week's picture should "bring in the wit" as well . . .

This should be fun . . .

Ben O.

Monday, June 12, 2006

Ben's Unabashedly American, "In a Word" World Cup Review (USA - Game 1)

Ben O.

Friday, June 09, 2006

A Sack Full of Saxophones (or Feedback Friday (#33))

Well, it's Feedback Friday dudes and that means it's time to . . .

What the heck does it mean?

Evil Twin Biff would have us all believe that any day is a good day for some blindfolded skydiving or even a little nude ice climbing. He's not exactly right in the head, although he does have two (count 'em, two!) Presidential Commendations for Bravery and Valor. I'm not really sure what he got them for, but he's more than happy to show them off if properly motivated.

Speaking of motivation, I was listening to the radio this afternoon and this week's question just hit me like sack full of rusty, broken hammers. Actually it was more like a sack full of saxophones.

What does that mean, you ask . . .

I'll tell you.

For today's feedback session, I want to know all about your 3 favorite songs that have saxophone in them. Sound tough? Well, there's more. They can't be Jazz songs . . . I want Rock 'n' Roll songs.

That's right, to pass the test ya gotta fill us all in on your top 3 Non-Jazz songs that are sportin' a lil' sax.

This should be fun . . .

Ben O.

Hey, Look!

I just wanted to let you know that I have updated my iMix on iTunes.

Click on the little iPod screen thingy over on the left if you want to check it out.

(You have to have iTunes installed on your computer first, though.)

Ben O.

Thursday, June 08, 2006


Okay, here's one for ya . . .

You know that feeling you get back at the base of your skull when the drive-up window guy lazily drops all of your change between the car and the building while he's handing you the bag full of Double-Whoppers and all you can do is smile because you forgot to bring your stainless steel nunchucks or your sawed-off shotgun?

Well, this isn't about that.

Heck no . . . today we're gonna throw caution to the wind and dive head first into the shallow end of the discussionary topic pool. And I don't even see a lifeguard.

Of course, the topic I'm referring to is the weather. Pretty exciting stuff, huh? Just ask the dude who's camaro was struck by lightning a record 117 times in 24 minutes because he neglected to heed the Weatherman's not-so-subtle warning not to leave the house under any circumstances whatsoever. Can you say "fried mullet"?

I'm certainly no expert on the subject, but why couldn't weather be fun? If they can get 399 million people to vote for the next American Idol, they should be able to produce a weather forcast with at least a little splash of pizazz. I've seen more exciting deliveries made by Zelda the High School Lunch Lady on "Mystery Meat Gumbo" day.


The problem, at least as far as I can tell, is that as long as Paris Hilton keeps releasing "Secret" homemade porn videos, the planet is going to keep heating up. It's simple cause and effect. (or is that affect? I always get the two mixed up).

Thankfully "Captain Internet" himself Al Gore is out there working hard to get the word out. I'm pretty sure that before he gassed up the VW Wagon and hit the road promoting his new documentary, the Earth had about 30 years left before total destruction(give or take a month), but now, thanks to high-octane poisioning we're sittin' precariously somewhere on the edge of 23.

Dang, and I had so much to do!

Ben O.

(Thanks to everyone who made the Super Fantastic Caption Contest a rousing success. If you haven't graced us with your comments yet, scroll down a tad and join in the fun.)

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Super Fantastic Caption Contest (#1)

Okay devoted readers, I know that you are all anxiously awaiting the results -

Well, to my last count - exactly 3 & 1/2 people chimed in, so I've decided to . . .

Go for it.

(I was going to anyway)

Look for the newest addition to the blog today and every Tuesday (Seems like a good day for a little tom-foolery).

So, without further ado - I proudly present the first ever Procrastination Station Super Fantastic Caption Contest!

(It isn't really a contest, this is pretend-land. Just leave a comment with a witty description of what you think is happening in the photo. It can be a snippet of dialogue, a funny title or even an imaginary caption.)

I'm looking forward to reading those comments . . .

Ben O.

Monday, June 05, 2006

I Knew I Was Forgetting Something (Feedback Monday (#32))

I woke up this morning with the strange sense that I had neglected to do something. Something so important and vital that in it's unexplained absence, entire computer systems would crash. Friday passed by "Feedback-less" and we should all thank our lucky stars that the North American Infrastructure is still somewhat intact.


That was a close one.

So, I've decided to hit ya with the first ever Procrastination Station "Feedback Monday".

(Wow, this guy is really getting desperate . . .)

Actually I want to get some input on whether or not I should add a new feature to the Blog. I've been thinking about starting my own Weekly Caption Contest. This is by no means a new idea of mine - they've been around awhile. I readily admit to shamelessly stealing this one upfront. But, the thing is that I always get such a kick out of reading the comments, so I thought it would be a natural fit here at The Station.

For those who've never had the pleasure, the idea is pretty simple (I wouldn't be considering it if it wasn't). Basically, we'll post a random picture and then you guys get to come up with all kinds of funny "captions", and/or witty descriptions of what is going on in the picture.

Sound like fun?

Good, then here is the "Feedback" portion of "Feedback Monday" -

Please indicate whether you are -

A) So excited about the idea that you can hardly contain yourself

B) Somewhat curious about the idea

C) Gloriously apathetic to the point of universal disinterest in any and all ideas ever presented


D) Lost

Ben O.

(Management would like to thank you for participation in advance. Heck, we might even take it into consideration.)

I Knew I Was Forgetting Something

Thursday, June 01, 2006

A New Wrinkle to The Da Vinci Code (My Apologies to Leo, Dan and Mona)

Evil Twin Biff was doing a little unauthorized late night reading last night down in the bowels of the PS Research Library and darned if he didn't stumble upon something strange . . .

Apparently, when you look at the Mona Lisa in just the right light on the first day of June in the year 2006, you can see something that has never been seen before.

Now, I'm no expert (actually more of a skeptic), but I could almost swear that she seems a little bit perkier. Like she can hear something the rest of us can't.

Don't trust me, though.

Go ahead, judge for yourself . . .

Ben O.