I Can't Really Complain . . . But I Still Do
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Location: Colorado

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Cream of Buffalo Soup

Okay, here's one for ya . . .

Wasn't it Andy Warhol who once said that everyone at some point in their life gets the distinct privilege of standing next to some troubled guy named Fester McGuido in the "less-than-full-price" aisle of their local grocery store for 15 of the longest minutes ever wondering why there are so many freakin' flavors of canned soup? I'd have to check my records, but I'm pretty sure that is at least partially accurate.

Now I'm no expert, but isn't it about time one of those nameless, faceless super-conglomerate laboratories in New Jerseyville, Idaho or some other place known for it's impeccable taste in food started creating some canned soups that actually sound more appealing than "Turkish Twice-Baked Radish Delight"?

The answer is yes . . . or at least heck yes.

How 'bout some "French Fry and Pizza Mulligatawny" or "Red Wine Surprise"? Hey, I would even settle for a few cans of "I Can't Believe It's Not Lobster".

I'm just like everyone else . . . nobody wants to be known as the dude who could never stick the landing. I just can't eat another bowl of warmed over red stuff. Is a nice warm tankard of ale and an inviting serving of "Essence of Chocolate-Covered Marshmallow" soup too much to ask?

I humbly submit that it ain't.

And shouldn't be for that matter . . .

Until next time,

Ben O.

T-Shirt Logic

Evil Twin Biff

(You'll have to excuse Biff. He never got the memo detailing how it might be appropriate to exercise some tact when dealing with other human beings.)

Friday, February 24, 2006

Feedback Friday (#21)

A wise philosopher once said that if you sit by the river long enough you'll see your enemy go floating by. I think in my case it would be more accurate to say that if I sit on my @$$ staring at the computer screen long enough someone will sneak up behind me and tag my sorry no-account self. Well, it happened. I's been tagged.

Thanks Laurie.

Seriously, this one looks to be pretty cool . . . so we're readily suiting up for action.

The best part is that everyone gets to play. Yep, you heard right. I've decided to turn this mutha on it's proverbial head and open it up to every single coherent person out there. At least those who are unfortunate enough to find themselves with nothing else to do on a perfectly good friday than to participate in yet another Procrastination Station Feedback Friday Extravaganza.

So here are the rules (as far as I can tell) -

You gotta list the 7 songs that you've been listening to the most in the past few days. It doesn't matter if you do or do not have an iPod . . . ya got ears, yes? Then pony up and let us know what 7 songs have been moving your needle lately. That's it . . . that's the assignment. This should be a real blast hearing about what everyone out there has been hearing.

The GOOD news is that I'm not gonna officially tag anyone else. That means there's no need to scuttle home furiously to your own dark corner of the internet and immediately perpetuate the joy of this particular "meme" by way of a lengthy (and somewhat-less-than-interesting) post about your 7 favorite Michael Bolton and Celine Dion duets on your own blog. The BAD news is that I want some serious participation in my lil' comments section. I know that there are some music freaks out there and I want to see some lists of 7 popping up real soon. Mark (Willie & Waylon and the boys), Brother O (Hey, there's Edge . . . He's cool too!), Stringman (I'm looking forward to this one), FredCQ (Bring on the Metal, baby!), Sadie (the World's newest Echo & The Bunnymen fanatic), Terri (The Queen of Guinness-Land), Lingoslinger (Podcast Tease #1), and anyone else who misspelled plaidwarehouse.com and found themselves at my door-step, staring down the working end of a question so finely tuned and expertly delivered that the only possible option is to simply stay and provide an answer.

Ah, such a well-oiled machine . . .

Okay, so here's my list (I've decided to go with an eclectic theme. I listen to alot of music, but here are 7 of the strangest bedfellows on my iPod). Enjoy!

1. Candy Everybody Wants by 10,000 Maniacs - This is a fun song by a fantastic group with one of the best names in popular music.

2. Dixieland Delight by Alabama - "Rolling down a backwoods, Tennessee by-way . . . One arm on the wheel" Gotta love it.

3. Corcovado by Astrud Gilberto - Ah, to be young, tan and on the beach in Rio de Janeiro. Count me in.

4. Nightshift by The Commodores - I love the bassline in this song. It feels like the night. Cool stuff.

5. Radiation Vibe by Fountains of Wayne - Sort of like a cult version of Weezer . . . only not.

6. Wasted Years by Iron Maiden - This has to be one of the most relentlessly awesome heavy metal songs. Takes me right back to one of the best times in my short life.

7. Inner City Blues by Marvin Gaye - Dude can sing.

I'll go ahead and throw in the song I'm listening to as I type this out as a bonus . . .

Three Days by Jane's Addiction - there are parts of this song that can literally shake your soul. It actually feels like you have broken through and gone somewhere you probably shouldn't have only to return sometime later a changed person.

Well, that's my 7 (er 8) cents. Now it's your turn.

This should be fun . . .

Ben O.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

T-Shirt Logic

Evil Twin Biff

Friday, February 17, 2006

Feedback Friday (#20)

Hey out there in Blogland - your wildest dreams are about to come true. Feedback Friday is making it's triumphant return.

Yep, you heard right. Feedback Friday is back!

We drugged Evil Twin Biff's afternoon scotch, tied him up with duct tape and locked him down in the sub-basement with all of the junk mail and reader suggestion email print-outs. Don't worry, I'm pretty sure there's a 7 month old box of twinkies down there somewhere . . . he'll be fine.

So, without further unnecessary fanfare (too late) . . . I give you what you've all been jonesing for -

Feedback Friday!

(The gallery erupts in thunderous applause.)

Or not.

This week, we're going with an Olympic theme. Pretty original, huh? After watching rather consistently for the past week, I've determined the medal count to be as follows -

Apple Computers - The Big Winner
Everybody Else - Bronze
Bode Miller - Quit pouting and start skiing, dude.

Check this out.

Now for your homework assignment.

I want to know what part of the Winter Olympics turns you on. What is your favorite event? It might be the Opening Ceremonies. It might be the Women's Skeleton (Did someone say, "Fearless"?). It might also be trying to guess how long it takes Bob Costas to get ready each night. I knew I should have gotten in on that Italian hairspray company's IPO. Darn-it-all!

This should be fun . . .

Ben O.

Ignorance is Bliss

Okay people, here's one for ya . . .

The jeep is spending the night at the repair shop tonight (I say it like it's a child on a sleepover or something), and even though I am "not that into" cars and never took shop in high school . . . it's times like these that I wish I actually did have a clue what they heck makes the family set o' wheels tick. I can already hear myself talking with the mechanic on the phone . . .

"Hello, is this Ben O?"


"This is Mr. Mechanic from Youdon'thaveaclue Motors down the street."

"Oh, good. How's the beloved family automobile fine sir?

"Well, I'm afraid it's worse than we originally thought. You got a bad thingymoflachie and the whatsamagiffin valve is sticking really bad . . . and that ain't good."

"It isn't?"

"Nope. Then there's the cracked flugonozzle and the rusty heapovizor . . . they'll both have to be replaced of course."

"Oh . . . and how much does a new flugonozzle cost these days?"

"Trust me. You don't want to know."

"Can I pay in installments?"

" 'fraid not. I'm gonna need cash up front."

"Well, let me go donate some blood. I'll be back in an hour. Try not to find anything else wrong with it while I'm gone."

Does this sound familiar?

Thought so . . .

Ben O. (for my lovely Wife . . . without a doubt the best thing that ever happened to me.)

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

T-Shirt Logic

Evil Twin Biff

Monday, February 13, 2006

Dude, That Sucks

Okay, I know it's been a few days. At first glance, it might appear that I have been neglecting my sworn duties as keeper of the Eternal "Procrastination Station" Flame, but in actuality nothing could be further from the truth.

We were up at Copper Mountain skiing this weekend and I pulled a muscle in my back. I bet you didn't know that every single muscle in the human body is attached to that little muscle in the lower back. Well, I am here to tell you that they are. You can't even fart without tweaking that sucker. It was all I could do to get down the mountain.

Totally Not Cool!

Anyway - as you might have guessed, I haven't exactly felt like sitting at the desk for longer than three seconds at a time. I'm not digging for sympathy. What I do want is some feedback on things that have been happening out there in the blogosphere to the coolest (and most loyal) readers around that will make me take my mind off of this never-ending pain.

Sort of a Feedback Monday . . . if you will.

Go - You're on the clock.

Ben O.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Kanye West Hates Blue Grass Singers

Okay all you blog-happy, music-lovers out there . . . in honor of this year's Grammy Awards broadcast (way to go U2!), the higher-ups here at Procrastination Station have decided to hold our very own lil' music award party.

Here's how it's gonna work . . .

First of all, I get to pick the winners. There ain't no independent accounting firms of Deloite & Touche or anybody else hiding behind the curtains here, okay. It's just me, Evil Twin Biff and the on-again-off-again receptionist with the dramatically lilac hairdo that is capable of receiving AM radio deciding who's in and who's out. If that is somehow a source of discomfort for anyone, I'm sorry, but that's just the way it is.

Secondly, I do not have a category for "Best Collaborative Effort Mixing Spoken Haiku, Pan Flute Quartet and Foreign Language Children's Choir". I tried it last year and the janitorial crew here at the Station (bless their hearts) were cleaning up for weeks. How the heck was I to know that tomato juice would stain a shag-polar bear and velveteen parka.

Okay, without further unnecessary fanfare - I give you the first and last ever Procrastination Station Music Awards (the name Grammy's is apparently vehemently protected as a trademarked entity.)

And the winners are . . .

Coolest Song Ever - "Shine on You Crazy Diamond" by Pink Floyd

Sweetest Guitar Riff in a Pop Rock or Hard Rock Song - "Back in Black" by AC~DC

Creepiest Performer Who Was Actually Good Once - Michael Jackson (Hands Down!)

Song That Everyone Hates But Can't Stop Humming When They Are Alone in The Car - "Thong Song" by the thong song dude

and the one you've all been waiting for . . .

Artist or Group Who Somehow Keeps on Rocking Even Though Everyone (Including their publicist) Keeps Forgetting Their Still Alive - The Rolling Stones

(Cue the annoying "You've talked way too long and the show is only supposed to be 7 hours long so shut the freak up already" music)

Thanks for coming. Please drive safely and have a wonderful night.

Ben O.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

T-Shirt Logic

Evil Twin Biff

Friday, February 03, 2006

Feedback Friday (#19)

Yep, it's that time again . . . Feedback Friday and even though I don't have the time to unleash one of my typical Procrastination-Station-by-way-of-The-Gettysburg-Address-length rants on ya, I did want to at least log on and post this sucker within the technical confines of the calendar day commonly known as Friday.

I know, I know . . . why bother since I almost never seem to get these things posted on time and yet the planet somehow manages to keep spinning. Well, tonight we're gonna try and keep the promise and anyone who doesn't care can just stand over in the corner and not care.

I see you over there.

Okay, moving on. Here's what I've got for ya this time around - I've decided to stick with the themes for the week. Those being books and animals (yes those were the themes for the week, quit your mumbling.) So, this installment of Feedback Friday is gonna be all about books that deal with animals. Tell us about your favorite "Animal Book". It might be a novel with cute little panda bears as the main characters, or a childrens book about a family of homeless rabbits or even a guidebook detailing the proper technique for determining the sex of the endangered Amazonian Rhino-Gator. I don't care, I just want to hear about it.

Have some fun with this one . . .

Ben O.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Groundhog Day

Well, Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow this morning. I guess that means we're in for six more weeks of wondering why we devote an entire day to an overgrown rodent and his shadow.

Now I'm no expert on how the sun affects each and every species of vermin differently, but wouldn't it be cooler if we passed the job around? What about Prairie Dog Day? No, that probably wouldn't work due to a prairie dog's inability to remain in one place for longer than 4 and a half seconds. They are also a little too vocal. I'm having visions of a bunch of old dudes in top hats yipping away as little Woonsocket Willie pops his head up, sees a bunch of creepy dudes in tophats and immediately ducks back down into his underground lair never to be seen or heard from again. Do groundhogs even make any sounds? I'm just askin'.

Maybe we could institute a national holiday and call it Weasel Day. Now, before you tell me to step off and leave those furry little wonders of nature alone, I was actually thinking about something entirely different.

Hear me out -

Every year we all gather at the steps of the capitol in D.C. and wait for the weasels to come out to see whether we are in for six more weeks of being told one thing and experiencing another.

Sound good?

I guess we can stick with what we've got. It seems to be working.

Ben O.

BTW - We simply have to come up with a cool hip-hop nickname for that poor groundhog. Something like "P Groundie" or "14 cents" or something. I just feel sorry for the lil' guy going through life with the name Punxsutawney Phil.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Ben's Monthly Book Review

Okay people, here's one for ya . . .

How long has it been since you last heard someone blabbing on about the controversy surrounding James Frey's pseudo-memoir "A Million Little Pieces"? In case you went ahead and booked that month-long trip to the moon and need a refresher on current events . . . that's the book-club pick that recently sent dear ole' Oprah herself into an apologizatory (is this a word) frenzy the likes of which I myself haven't witnessed since junior high. (It was a dodgeball incident and I would rather not get into it now.)

How long did you say? 3 minutes? 90 seconds? You're listening to someone talk about it while you're reading this?

Well, batten down any loose hatches and get as prepared as you possibly can, because I'm gonna go there. I really, really am.

Let me start by saying . . . that I started . . . the book that is. I asked for and received "A Million Little Pieces" for Christmas. Hey, what can I say, I was curious. I had heard some rumblings about how good it was and I actually liked the cover. I'm one of those people who IS influenced by a book's cover. IMHO this is part of the experience when you pony up a chunk of your money into purchasing and devote a chunk of your life to reading a book, and "A Million Little Pieces" has arguably one of the best covers in recent publishing history.

So, I was sitting on the book for a couple of weeks when the news broke that it ain't entirely true. Within minutes I couldn't help but hear all about X scene and Y scene and how it didn't really happen the way he wrote it and on and on and on. This might sound strange, but it actually made me want to read it even more. It was like everyone was shucking and jiving around the water cooler and I was standing over by the copy machine with an invisible "L" painted on my forehead.

That's when I opened the book. Dude, what font size are ya using there? .09? It's more like a million little words. I'm gonna need a stronger eyeglass prescription after tackling this one.

Okay, enough witty banter.

Here comes the book review part of this book review -

I'm 75 pages in and it's pretty good.

That's it. That's the review.

Actually, I was hoping to come back to a comments section full of vibrant commentary on a few of the more important issues raised by this post . . .

1. If you have read James Frey's book what did you think? How does the revelation that people sometimes embellish their memoirs affect your overall experience?

2. When you're standing around like a doofus at Barnes & Noble trying to pick something out, does an impressive book cover sway your mind in any way? What are some favorite book covers out there?

3. Didn't Oprah's hair look nice?

Ben O.