I Can't Really Complain . . . But I Still Do
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Location: Colorado

Thursday, August 31, 2006

You Are Now Free To Move About The Compartment

Okay, here's one for ya . . .

Raise your hand if you've seen the wonderfully entertaining new film offering out now that has been taking the nation by storm - "Snakes on a Plane".

I said hand . . . not finger.

Now I'm no expert, but doesn't this seem like a pretty cut-and-dry case of bad timing? Sure, snakes are scary. That's well documented. And if you throw a couple of snakes into the already way-too-cramped cabin of a commercial airplane you're more than likely going to elicit some screams. I'll grant you that. But, and here's where I see the timing factor being an issue, imagine the opening weekend your flick would have garnered if you had just named it "Gatorade and an iPod on a Plane".

I'm scared just thinking about it.

And you could have avoided spending $478 million.

For my money, you just can't beat a good "Creepy-wild-animal-set-loose-in-a-closed-environment-at-35,000 feet" Thriller starring Mace Windu and the entire special effects night-class department at DeVry's Northern Iowa campus. In fact, I should actually be on eBay right now trying to score a larger (and more stylish) TV stand/DVD rack to house my ever growing collection of "Mid-Air High-Jinks" movies, but I think I'm still on probation after that whole "Faulty Antique Toilet Seat" incident.

Hey, I confess . . . I have a soft spot for pretty things (that have been around over 100 years) in the bathroom.

What are ya gonna do?

Ben O.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Super Fantastic Caption Contest (#13)

---Ode to Tuesday---

Monday has already come and gone,
Wednesday is but a distant song,
Today's the day we love the best,
The Super Fantastic Caption Contest!

Okay, poetry was never my strongest suit.

I think this week's picture is an interesting one. A little bit more subdued than some of the more obvious recent offerings.

Lucky #13 should be a fun one . . .

Ben O.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

T-Shirt Logic

Evil Twin Biff

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Super Fantastic Caption Contest (#12)

Tuesday, O' Tuesday . . . thou art lovelier than a basket full of any other day.

It's time for the weekly Caption Contest, all you wit junkies.

I found this photo while I was surfing the "Grown Men with Way Too Much Free Time" section of the Internet late last night. I'm not entirely sure of just what exactly is going on here, but I'm 100% sure that it's gonna hurt one of the dudes more than it will the other.

Should be interesting . . .

Thanks - Ben O.

Sunday, August 20, 2006

Feedback Sunday (#41)

Okay, here's something for ya . . .

I told Sadie that I would respond to her "Book Tag" on Friday, but clearly I have no concept of what day it is . . .

Today's gonna have to do -

1. One book that changed your life?

I still remember reading Roald Dahl's timeless classic "Charlie and the Charlie Factory" way back in childhood. It was the first book I picked out myself and read for fun and it got me hooked on the exercise. It's actually a really good book, too.

2. One book you have read more than once?

The only book I have read more than once is The Bible. My wife re-reads books all the time and I just can't bring myself to do it. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of books that are worthy of a second shot, but I literally have stacks of books just waiting to be read. I'm always looking forward to that next great story.

3. One book you would want on a deserted island?

Uh, the practical answer is probably "The Idiot's Guide to Surviving on a Deserted Island", but I think I would rather have some really deep fiction . . . like Eco or Rushdie; or maybe even a classic.

4. One book that made you laugh?

I'm always telling people that haven't read any Stephen King books, that I actually think he is funnier than he is scary. Don't get me wrong, there's some horror on those pages (hence the placement in the "horror" section), but his characters can (and often are) incredibly humorous.

5. One book that made you cry?

"The Lovely Bones" was pretty sad. Nicholas Sparks has written some tearjerkers, too.

6. One book you wish had been written?

My first novel.

7. One book you wish had never been written?

I'm sure there are plenty of propaganda/hate manuals and such that our lil' planet would undoubtedly be better off without. I'm not a huge fan of censorship . . . just responsibility. In my perfect world, there would be no laws restricting certain things from being published, there just wouldn't be anyone interested in writing them or wanting to read them.

8. One book you are currently reading?

I'm reading a really interesting book all about the making of the movie Bladerunner, called "Future Noire". (Check it out - It's linked right over there on the left of the page.)

9. One book you have been meaning to read?

There is a book by Caleb Carr called "The Alienist" that everyone keeps telling me to read. Hopefully I can get to it sooner than later.

10. Now tag five people:

Again, we're not going to tag anyone this week . . . instead, please leave your answers to these questions in the comments section.

Thanks - Ben O.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Happy Birthday!

Okay, here's something for ya . . .

Exactly one year ago TODAY, this blog was born.

Now, I don't want to go around obnoxiously tooting my own horn and pompously proclaiming how the internet is a better place because we're in it and all, but . . . imagine, if you will, for a second, a world without the Procrastination Station. It's a vision far too terrible and way too horrific to even contemplate in jest.

Now I'm no expert, but the way I see it, the tangible ramifications of a PS-less universe would be as follows -

- Safer Intersections in most major metropolitan areas

- Cleaner Skating Rinks

- Fuller, thicker heads of hair on most local politicians

- A Cincinnati/Cleveland Superbowl

I know . . . I know. It's terrible, isn't it?

Where was I going with this, you ask . . .

The point is that exactly 366 days ago, the ride hadn't even begun. There weren't any endless rants to endure, Evil Twin Biff was still serving 3-to-5 in an undisclosed Iowa State Correctional Facility and Fridays were just another day. The soothingly beautifully sight of an official "Station-head" sticker on the rear bumper of your Dad's porsche was merely a distant flicker on a shimmering horizon.

I don't want to say that we couldn't have done it without you, but "we couldn't have done it without you".

If all you loyal readers out there had suddenly stopped coming by The Station after the first few weeks, it would've just been me sitting around in front of the computer talking to myself and writing it down. Not only is that patently creepy, but I'm pretty sure it's illegal in Florida and Oregon unless you obtain signed consent from the neighbors and make sure to turn the oven off first.

So thanks for continually checking us out and I hope to be worth reading for at least another year.

Ben O.

(Disclaimer - As we enter into our 2nd year of service, we here at Procrastination Station promise to use only the highest quality, sterile rubber hoses for all of our beatdowns.)

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Super Fantastic Caption Contest (#11)

Okay, here's one for all the Star Wars fans out there.

I know there are literally dozens of you . . .

Actually, this could also be for any devoted Eggo Waffle aficionado as well.

Looking forward to reading your comments . . .

Ben O.

Saturday, August 12, 2006

Feedback Saturday (#40)

Well, this time around instead of the usual Feedback Session Galore, we're gonna kill two birds with one stone (don't worry, no actual birds were harmed in the production of this blog post) and combine Feedback Friday (Saturday) and my answers to McBlogger's recent tag.

It's such an elegant plan that I continue to marvel at the shear simplicity . . .

Here goes -

5 Things always in my purse (I have not fully succumbed to my inner metro-sexual yet and am thus still proud to declare that I do not carry a man-purse . . . so this will just have to be 5 things that are always in my moneyclip)

1 - Colorado State Drivers License (worst picture in the history of pictures)
2 - REI Membership Card
3 - Two Credit/Debit Cards
4 - Starbucks Card
5 - One . . . sometimes two dollar bills (It makes a money clip look right. Gotta have at least a buck)

5 Things always in my wallet (Hello!?! . . . this is why women are from Venus or wherever and men only need one "holder" with a couple of cards)

Next . . .

5 Things always in my refrigerator

1 - C2 (I know, I know . . . another one bites the dust. I've been drinking "half-coke" for awhile now and actually like it. I still have the real thing sometimes, but there ain't none in the fridge no-more)
2 - Cheddar Cheese (I eat enough cheese to technically be classified as 1/100th rodent. I'm sure that isn't much of a surprise to most people who already know I'm a weasel)
3 - Water (Colorado is dry, dry, dry, dry and . . . dry. Gotta drink up, people)
4 - Milk (I don't actually drink a whole lot of milk, but I steam it for Cafe Mochas all the time. Good stuff)
5 - Beer (Early and often)

5 Things always in my closet

1 - My Wife's shirts
2 - My Wife's pants
3 - My Wife's Hats
4 - My Wife's Shoes
5 - My clothes crammed in the space that is left over (Dang, I love her!)

5 Things always in my car

1 - Entertainment Coupon Book
2 - This cool Mexican blanket that we always like to have in there in case we decide to go on a picnic
3 - CDs, Tapes (yep, still got a tape player) and an iPod cassette tape adapter
4 - Fold-up Window Visor (it's been pretty freakin' hot here this Summer)
5 - Jumper Cables (practicality can be sexy . . . yes?)

5 Things always on my desk

1 - Computer
2 - Two Baskets (One for pens and crap and the other for papers and crap)
3 - Coaster for drinks (Don't wanna get the desk all messed up with water rings)
4 - Stack of Papers
5 - A noticeable quarter-inch thick layer of dust (Wow, that's actually pretty scary)

5 people I'm tagging

Here's where we're gonna zig instead of zagging . . .

For the "Feedback" portion of Feedback Saturday, go ahead and leave a comment detailing your answers to the above questions.

Don't worry, it's relatively painless and besides, we destroy all of our surplus records every 13 years. You'll still be able to run for President without this coming back to bite you in the bootie.

I promise.

Ben O.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Super Fantastic Caption Contest (#10)

Better late than never, huh?

Tuesday passed us by, but I think this week still needs a Caption Contest.

The picture is a strange one, too.

Can't wait to read the input this week . . .

Ben O.

Monday, August 07, 2006

I Resemble That Remark

Top 13 most pathetic things about being in your 30's

1. All of your Hard Rock T-Shirts start to rip and fall apart.

2. You catch yourself having daydreams about Ford's new minivan.

3. Your favorite athletes are no longer just richer and better looking than you . . . now they are younger than you too.

4. Atari games are now sold as "nostalgia" - oh the shame!

5. When you log on to Myspace.com . . . you are "that guy you parents warned you about".

6. All those years of blasting your Walkman have caused premature loss of hearing.

7. The good news is that now that your deaf, you no longer hear the voices in your head.

8. You no longer get carded at the liquor store.

9. Your brand new iPod has more memory than ENIAC

10. An adventurous evening is watching Stage 7 of the Tour de France on OLN.

11. Sure, you've got 752 channels on TV, but you can't even understand the freakin' remote.

12. Your favorite people to hang out with are your friends' toddlers.

13. Two Words - Ear Hair.

Ben O.

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Feedback Friday (#39)


Where did this week go?

Friday is here again and I haven't even spanked the neighbor's camel (don't ask). The awful truth is that there's only one reason any of you would possibly venture this deep into the enchanted forest of blogorial crapola on a perfectly good Friday, and that is to compete in the "Uncle Fester Memorial Fried JalapeƱo & Sardine Swallowing Contest".

What's that? Month-long bouts of nuclear heartburn not your thing?

Okay, then . . . how's about some feedback?

This week we're gonna do a lil' resting in peace. Sound good? Well, there's a twist. I want to know what you would like engraved upon your tombstone when the time comes.

Think this one through . . . you can't erase chiseled granite, dude.

It should be interesting to see the possible future epitaphs floating around out there.

I know I'm interested . . .

Ben O.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Super Fantastic Caption Contest (#9)

There's not a whole lot going on here other than the obvious, but I think we should still get some pretty interesting and more-than-likely funny stuff this week.

I look forward to reading your captions . . .

Ben O.