I Can't Really Complain . . . But I Still Do
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Friday, January 05, 2007

Feedback Friday (#53)

Okay people, here's one for ya . . .

We're only a scant few days into this glorious new year and our mailroom is already overwhelmed with literally mountains (that is, if you are one of those people who uses the word "mountain" to describe a stack of approximately . . . one) of reader mail complaining about how difficult it is to maintain those seemingly ubiquitous New Year's Resolutions.

Never to hide from our civic responsibility, we here at Procrastination Station would like to help.

Here is a thoroughly detailed list of the Top 10 Most Ill-Advised New Year's Resolutions, as researched by the now defunct Greater Cincinnati Elton John Fan Club.


1. I resolve to memorize the Uni-Bomber Manifesto in it's 4,327 page entirety.

2. I resolve to call the members of my old Dungeons & Dragons society and start playing again.

3. I resolve to eat Baked Alaska . . . in Alaska . . . naked.

4. I resolve to break away from the rigors of society and live among the woodland creatures.

5. I resolve to train my body to fold up and fit inside an Ozarka water cooler bottle.

6. I resolve to create a new language that only I can understand and then use it exclusively for the entire year.

7. I resolve to wear capes more.

8. I resolve to practice the Pan Flute until I'm second only to the one and only Zamfir.

9. I resolve to get a tattoo of a different smurf every day for a year.

10. I resolve to quit my job and attempt to make a living solely by writing a blog.


Ben O.

BTW - For the Feedback portion of "Feedback Friday", tell us what your resolutions are this year . . .

7 Comments:

Anonymous rollin said...

I resolve to learn the last 100 digits of pi...

1:54 PM  
Blogger Ben O. said...

Rollin, it is incomprehensible to me that you don't already have that memorized.

What's the matter with you anyway?

Ben O.

3:35 PM  
Blogger KayseaLove said...

I resolve to make it to work on time everyday for a year.
I hate work.

12:20 PM  
Blogger Kathleen said...

I resolve not to tell my boss exactly what I think of him. Only because I need my job.

6:52 AM  
Blogger Heather said...

I resolve to read more than 110 books - that was my # last year. Am I a geek? Help me!!!

7:47 PM  
Blogger Ben O. said...

That's like . . . a book every thirteen minutes.

Is my math okay?

Ben O.

9:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

No, no, no, that's one book every 3.14159265358979323846 days.

Or maybe my mind is blurring under the weight of pi...

And blogger still appears to be having issues, so this comment is from rollin...

9:21 AM  

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