I Can't Really Complain . . . But I Still Do
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Location: Colorado

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Is There A Doctor In The House?

The top 7 things you least want to hear from the surgeon right before being put under . . .

1. "With all the voices in my head, it's like you're getting an entire team of physicians for the price of one."

2. "Hey, you're that schmuck who flipped me off in traffic the other day."

3. "Gettin' in there is the easy part . . . it's the sewing 'em up part that always gives me fits."

4. "The last time I performed this particular procedure Truman was in the White House."

5. "Nurse! Can you bring me a six-pack of Michelob and a couple of those miniature bottles of Peach Schnapps to calm my nerves, please?"

6. "My horoscope said I should be adventurous today . . . how do you feel about gills?"

7. "Okay, Mr. Jones . . . When you wake up, those bothersome kidneys will be nothing but a bad memory."

For my Dad - a true doctor

Ben O.


Blogger Sadie Lou said...

"This one forgot to label which leg I was supposed to amputate. Oh well..."

heh heh

Good post.
Oh man, I hate when word verification looks like it could be an 'm' or just an 'r' next to an 'n'.
tricky bastards.
I'll go with the 'm'

9:59 AM  
Blogger Sadie Lou said...

I was right.
This word verification is cool!

looks like a question about someone's gender.

9:59 AM  
Blogger Ben O. said...

Yep, word verification sometimes makes me wonder . . .

I should post about it sometime.

I've missed it multiple times before and you just feel like a moron when it keeps asking you to read the words that are right in front of your face . . . but you can't.

Ben O.

10:30 AM  
Blogger mr. schprock said...

Good ones!

How about:

"Relax, I tried this out on a horse last Tuesday."

"Dr. Malcom Practice here. Please call me Mal."

"Are you here for the oil change or heart bypass?"

10:38 AM  
Blogger Ben O. said...

Mr. Schprock - those are really pretty good. I should hire you on as an associate writer. Oh, wait . . . we used up the last of the petty cash budget on those Ewok pez dispensers on Ebay.

Sorry, dude.

Ben O.

11:42 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks Ben. I really enjoyed the sayings. I hope that things are going well. I think medicine needs some humor and you seem to have done very well at it. I really enjoy the blog and all the responses. I don't respond often but I feel like I have friends out there who share my feelings.

1:06 PM  
Blogger Ben O. said...

Anon - Thanks for the nice comment - feel free to respond anytime.

Ben O.

2:19 PM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

"Hey, you're that schmuck who flipped me off in traffic the other day."

Heh, that would be my luck. What's worse, he'd mistaken me for someone else, seeing as I've been told I look like someone they once knew by over several dozen people now.

9:56 PM  
Blogger Scott said...

Or, "Don't worry, you are going to make a fine looking woman..."

5:55 AM  
Blogger Metal Mark said...

Any of those would scare me.

9:15 AM  
Anonymous FredCQ said...

No wonder there are so many malpractice suits!

6:30 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How about, "who are you again?"

8:38 AM  
Blogger LiVEwiRe said...

Oh, I love #1 & #2... but I hope I never have to hear any of them!

11:02 AM  

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