Is There A Doctor In The House?
The top 7 things you least want to hear from the surgeon right before being put under . . .
1. "With all the voices in my head, it's like you're getting an entire team of physicians for the price of one."
2. "Hey, you're that schmuck who flipped me off in traffic the other day."
3. "Gettin' in there is the easy part . . . it's the sewing 'em up part that always gives me fits."
4. "The last time I performed this particular procedure Truman was in the White House."
5. "Nurse! Can you bring me a six-pack of Michelob and a couple of those miniature bottles of Peach Schnapps to calm my nerves, please?"
6. "My horoscope said I should be adventurous today . . . how do you feel about gills?"
7. "Okay, Mr. Jones . . . When you wake up, those bothersome kidneys will be nothing but a bad memory."
For my Dad - a true doctor
Ben O.
1. "With all the voices in my head, it's like you're getting an entire team of physicians for the price of one."
2. "Hey, you're that schmuck who flipped me off in traffic the other day."
3. "Gettin' in there is the easy part . . . it's the sewing 'em up part that always gives me fits."
4. "The last time I performed this particular procedure Truman was in the White House."
5. "Nurse! Can you bring me a six-pack of Michelob and a couple of those miniature bottles of Peach Schnapps to calm my nerves, please?"
6. "My horoscope said I should be adventurous today . . . how do you feel about gills?"
7. "Okay, Mr. Jones . . . When you wake up, those bothersome kidneys will be nothing but a bad memory."
For my Dad - a true doctor
Ben O.
posted by Ben O. | 1:49 AM
13 Comments:
"This one forgot to label which leg I was supposed to amputate. Oh well..."
heh heh
Funsie.
Good post.
Oh man, I hate when word verification looks like it could be an 'm' or just an 'r' next to an 'n'.
tricky bastards.
I'll go with the 'm'
I was right.
Ha!
This word verification is cool!
'itwho'
looks like a question about someone's gender.
Yep, word verification sometimes makes me wonder . . .
I should post about it sometime.
I've missed it multiple times before and you just feel like a moron when it keeps asking you to read the words that are right in front of your face . . . but you can't.
Ben O.
Good ones!
How about:
"Relax, I tried this out on a horse last Tuesday."
"Dr. Malcom Practice here. Please call me Mal."
"Are you here for the oil change or heart bypass?"
Mr. Schprock - those are really pretty good. I should hire you on as an associate writer. Oh, wait . . . we used up the last of the petty cash budget on those Ewok pez dispensers on Ebay.
Sorry, dude.
Ben O.
Thanks Ben. I really enjoyed the sayings. I hope that things are going well. I think medicine needs some humor and you seem to have done very well at it. I really enjoy the blog and all the responses. I don't respond often but I feel like I have friends out there who share my feelings.
Anon - Thanks for the nice comment - feel free to respond anytime.
Ben O.
"Hey, you're that schmuck who flipped me off in traffic the other day."
Heh, that would be my luck. What's worse, he'd mistaken me for someone else, seeing as I've been told I look like someone they once knew by over several dozen people now.
Or, "Don't worry, you are going to make a fine looking woman..."
Any of those would scare me.
No wonder there are so many malpractice suits!
How about, "who are you again?"
Oh, I love #1 & #2... but I hope I never have to hear any of them!
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