Super Fantastic Caption Contest (#41)

Dude, I have been the worst blog-keeper ever lately.


(The gallery nods their collective head)


Well, no point complaining about it now. We are all in this together and since we still have 37 years left on our rent agreement, The Station is going to be around for quite some time.


So, let's see if we can arouse the wittiness inside ourselves . . .





I think this week's picture is going to be fruitful.


Enjoy - Ben O.

We're Here to Help

We here at Procrastination Station are literally inundated with phone calls, email and regular (snail mail) from interested readers wanting to know the difference between good music and bad music -

Okay, here are some guidelines for ya -

- If the credits on the back of the CD list a man named "Renaldo Tweezeheimer" in either the post-production or back-up vocal categories, pick a different CD.

- Just because an artist sees fit to not wear panties or takes to going about shaving their head, does not automatically make their music listenable. It can happen, but rarely does.

- As far as anyone knows, Madonna still does not have a twin sister performing under the name Mrs. Glow-worm. These CDs are no doubt counterfeit and could possibly self destruct inside your stereo unit at any moment. Playing a legitimate CD by any winner or runner-up on American Idol, while not advised under any circumstances for enjoyment, does have the welcomed side effect of obliterating and dislodging the broken pieces of the aforementioned Mrs. Glow-worm CD previously stuck inside your player.

- There is no place for pan flute in music. Not even if you are a self-proclaimed master of the device.

- The harder the artist's name is to pronounce, the better that performer's music. This is not a hard and fast rule and exceptions are unfortunately too numerous to list. One thing to keep in mind on this point - if the artist has legally changed his or her name to a symbol or some picture that has no verbally expressable equivalent, buy their CD immediately and get it into heavy rotation as soon as humanly possible.

- Bands named after geographic locations can, for the most part, be filed into either the good or bad category depending upon how interesting and desirable the city or place is that they are named after. Picture an accapella singing group named Dead Horse and you get the gist.

- Never, ever purchase any CDs that have the words "Milli" and/or "Vanilli" printed anywhere on them.

- No matter how diligently you train yourself to listen to songs performed by Michael Bolton, you will always be left hopelessly devoid of anything even remotely resembling happiness.


The Management

Super Fantastic Caption Contest (#40)

Let's go with a musical theme for this week's Super Fantastic Caption Contest, they said in this week's planning meeting.

Okey, Dokey.

How's this?

I thought so . . .

Ben O.

Feedback Monday (#60)

Say Hey, It's Monday!

So what, you ask?

It's the perfect time for us all to get some feedback up in here.

I know it's supposed to happen on Friday, but desperate times call for desperate measures. And less than desperate times call for moving Feedback Friday to Monday and calling it Feedback Monday . . . and everyone else playing along like it was a cool idea and possibly even planned.

Can ya dig?

So, here's the homework assignment this week -

What is your "Life Motto"?

Everyone has some sort of credo that they generally live their non-descript, pathetic little life by and we want to know all about yours.

If you haven't ever taken the opportunity to sit down in front of your flickering computer screen, think about it and attempt to put it into a few select words . . . well, today is your lucky day then because now you can. And you better do it, or else somebody downstairs is gonna let the dogs out.

This should be alot of fun -

Ben O.

Super Fantastic Caption Contest (#39)

Okay people, it's time again for another Caption Contest . . . again.

Hey - I don't make the calendar, I just obey it.

This week's shot is a gem.

Have at it . . .

Ben O.

Anna Nicole Has Left the Building

Okay, here's one for ya . . .

Can someone please tell me Why I got arrested last night trying to set fire to the Grocery store checkout magazine rack.

Anyone?

Now, I don't have the entire U.S. Penal Code memorized (unlike in my youth), but didn't they recently decide to allow up to three counts of arson - per person - per calendar year?

No?

Inconceivable.

Okay, on a serious note, I'd like to propose a new and exciting layout for the Modern American Grocery Store checkout area. Instead of endless counters of magazines proclaiming wild accusations about whether or not Bat-boy and Angelina's adopted Antarctican daughter have conceived their first love child, how's about some good ole' fashion porn?

That's a joke.

Funny you should ask, though, 'cuz it ain't that far from it already. Between Lindsay and Jessica and Christina and Yolonda and Lil' Miss Thang and that guy from those creepy, yet uncomfortably interesting spray-deodorant ads, all I see before me when I'm standing there in line is exactly 3 shoes, 1 shirt and what I can only hope was at one time a pair of panties.

And that's in the express lane!

And, believe you and me, it doesn't get a whole lot better standing behind The Marlboro man and his girlfriend, Lola in the "15 items or more loser lane". Here, the pre-selected reading material, that isn't already covered up with plastic "safety-plates" for fear of upsetting the faint of heart (whatever that means), is . . . well, let's just say what it isn't. What it isn't is pretty much what's been missing from society since around the time MTV stopped playing music.

Now, I don't want to get five hundred thousand emails about how the world is a better place now that our collective sensibility is so progressive and able to tolerate whatever comes down the pike no matter how utterly and completely unacceptable it may be. Our staff simply can't handle it. Heck, the crack team of email answering interns is downstairs in the sub-basement right now, still recovering from that time I proposed criminalizing "crappy" music.

Who knew that so many Michael Bolton fans read my blog. Those people are powerful when they band together in protest, let me tell you.

So, where am I going with all of this?

Funny you should ask, because I have no idea.


Ben O.
BTW -

Super Fantastic Caption Contest (#38)

Okay people,

It's time to get a lil' bit political (or not . . . that's up to you) with this week's Caption Contest Photo.

It's just too ripe for possibilities not to post -

As per usual, I look forward to reading all those comments.

Ben O.