I Can't Really Complain . . . But I Still Do
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Location: Colorado

Friday, October 21, 2005

Can You Move That Leaf, I'm Trying To Putt

Well, we've been hanging out with Big Tex in Big D playing a little "Small Ball" (aka - miniature golf). Everyone out there will be glad to hear that the ever popular Mom O. won with a "Front 9" score of 21 . . . which is pretty darn close to par. I was awfully close to catching her after my hole-in-one, but then I got a little too careless with my follow through on a wicked "Over-the-hills-and-through-the-woods-to-grandmother's-house-we-go" hole and I ended up in the dreaded vortex of humiliation right next to my younger and hipper brother's goofy-looking fluorescent yellow golfball.

Now I'm no expert, but why hasn't Miniature Golf taken over the world as the most watched sport on TV?

Who wouldn't pay good money to sit on the couch cheering a little too wildly for their favorite rubberized club wielding, beer-belly having pro as he coolly and calmly blocks out the over-bearing crowd noise and negotiates the intricacies of each and every loopty-loop on the course? It's hard getting the dang ball to go into the Clown's mouth in less than 3 shots . . . I think those dudes certainly earn their millions.

Can you say "Signing Bonus"?

Okay, that might be a tad silly . . . but not any more so than shelling out two year's paycheck to get ESPN's Unlimited Poker-fest Channel on direct satellite linkup. Even if they did throw in the inflatable lazy-boy recliner beanbag couch it still wouldn't be worth it.

The truth is that pretty much any sport where you hear someone say "Hey, could you help me out and remove that baby rabbit?" and you aren't even surprised, might not be completely ready for massmarket consumption. I love banging away at neon golf balls just like the next guy, but unless your name happens to be Steve Irwin, you might want to reconsider your next attempt at threading the needle between Harvy the Happy Hippo's out-stretched legs.

After all, a double bogey never hurt anyone . . . but chasing after your ball into the darkened mineshaft of doom (otherwise known as hole #7) just might.

Ben O. (on location in the Lone Star State)


Blogger Nonny said...

I'm sure they must show miniature golf on ESPN 8: The Ocho. I believe their motto is:

If it's almost a sport, it's on the Ocho!

10:39 AM  
Blogger Sadie Lou said...

Right on Mom O. !!
My Father in Law is always pestering me to go golfing with him.
"Who knows sadie, you could be a natural!"
I'd rather watch paint dry.
However, Miniature Golf--watch out! I love playing put-put golf. It makes me feel all proud to watch my ball go through the right hole in the windmill and then make a beeline for the hole. And nothing is better than shouting HOLE IN ONE is your 8 year old son's face.
Well, there are lots of other things more fun than that. What a lame expression.

9:51 PM  
Blogger Ben O. said...

Nonny - I don't get the Ocho, and I want it now. Sports channels are awesome - I wish there was an "all disc golf, all the time" channel.

Sadie - Mom was the picture of consistency. I have no sons so I have never shouted HOLE IN ONE in anyone's face, but I have been known to let a few Booyah!s slip out.

Ben O.

7:07 AM  
Blogger Henry said...

How `bout Mom bringing it!!!

Way to go, Mom.

And--Ben, I think I would watch mini golf on the 'Ocho' as Nonny called it.

Maybe we can credit you with the newest craze! I say we hire Keith Jackson for the announcer-bust out the Mustard Blazer and send him to the Motel 6 mini golf in Abilene, Texas.
"Just like Pebble Beach to the pros, we go this week to the hallowed loop-de-loops, and fabled astroturf of Abilene."
"Who can forget Larry the Plumber's charge thru the windmill and around the clown face to score another exciting victory last year...?"

8:42 AM  
Blogger Henry said...

It sounds better if you impersonate Keith Jackson while you say it....I just re-read my post.


8:44 AM  
Blogger Sadie Lou said...

Sadie - Mom was the picture of consistency. I have no sons so I have never shouted HOLE IN ONE in anyone's face, but I have been known to let a few Booyah!s slip out.

Did Mom shout HOLE IN ONE in your face? If she didn't, she should have. Is the Booyah! still usable? I thought it had inched it's way into the Do Not Use catagory of expressions...

9:48 AM  
Blogger Kathleen said...

I'd rather watch miniature gold on TV than that blasted Poker crap! WTF is up with that? It is NOT A SPORT!!!!! ARGH! It makes me crazy that ESPN can't be bothered to show hockey, but has plenty of time on all its channels for freaks playing cards!

10:16 AM  
Blogger Ben O. said...

Henry - funny stuff. I can hear Brent Musberger (or as I like to call him - Captain Overexageration) whispering into the microphone as Bob from Texarkana lines up his approach shot on hole #9 (the dreaded "Jump the Moat" hole).

"Watch as he expertly waits for that cockroach to finish walking across the green before he makes his shot. This man is one cool character."

Sadie - Mom O. would never shout HOLE IN ONE in my face. (Right Mom?) I think Booyah is still usable . . . in the right circumstances. Anyone else know something about this that I do not?

Kathleen - did you get taken before in Vegas or something? I'm no expert, but I'm sensing a lil' frustration coming from your corner of the internet. I totally agree with you, though. Not only is it so not a sport, it is not fun to watch . . . period. (That goes for car racing, golf and tennis too btw. Sorry guys)

Ben O.

10:32 AM  
Blogger Henry said...

I still use Booyah

uh-oh--am I old or what?

Someone please tell old Ben and I that booyah is still OK

texarkana? Funny stuff

11:55 AM  
Blogger Sadie Lou said...

wait, let's do this logically:
What are the origins of Booyah?
Was it from a movie?

12:11 PM  
Blogger ~*Stephanie*~ said...

Booyah? Is that like nenner nenner?

12:24 PM  
Blogger DaDog said...

I am waiting for "Extreme Miniature Golf" to go pro.

12:28 PM  
Blogger Ben O. said...

I always thought that booyah came from ESPN's Sportcenter where they would show some guy slamdunking and they anchor would shout booyah!

Henry - at least we can say that we are young at heart . . . right?

Anyone? Bueller?

I propose a weeklong exploration into the word origins of the word Booyah. 100 points for the first person to produce definitive evidence of the origin of said exclamatory phrase.

Dog - I like the idea of Extreme Miniature Golf. They can pump in some Metallica and pass out some glow-in-the-dark golf balls and we can all take turns wacking away at that freakin' clown face.

Great Stuff -

Ben O.

12:56 PM  
Blogger jenbeauty said...

I would watch...for at least 20 mins...maybe even train for this sport.

1:26 PM  
Blogger Sadie Lou said...

I propose a weeklong exploration into the word origins of the word Booyah. 100 points for the first person to produce definitive evidence of the origin of said exclamatory phrase.

I accept! If such info can be found that is--like I said, I think it's been retired.

1:45 PM  
Blogger Sadie Lou said...

Oh yeah, do the tag Ben. Quit putting it off.

3:55 PM  
Blogger Marel Lecone said...

So, there's a poker channel? Nuts. I don't mind watching that celebrity poker once in awhile. But, that's about it.

As for miniature golf, it's been so long for me . . . would love to go again.

Glad that you guys had a good time. :)

4:46 PM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Colorado Springs used to have a pretty good mini-golf course that was Wild West themed. They took good care of the course, and I got to the point where I got mad if I didn't make par. I wonder if it's still there.

3:10 PM  
Blogger Kathleen said...

No, I don't gamble and don't have a clue how to play poker (that betting and ante-ing stuff makes no sense). I just hate that the only two sports I do like have been shunted to BS channels while ESPN shows friggin' card-playing.

And for the record, yes, car racing - specifically Champ Car racing - is a real sport. ;-)

10:43 AM  
Blogger Ben O. said...

Zombie - I don't know . . . need to look into that one next time I head down to The Springs.

Kathleen - sorry to offend a car racing lover . . . I would never, ever intend to ruffle any feathers out there. We are strictly serious and totally nonoffensive here at Procrastination Station.

Wink, wink -

Ben O.

11:22 AM  
Blogger Shawn said...

I'm just dork enough to jump on the Booyah Challenge...

The word's been around for a long time.

In food talk, it's some sort of stewy thing. The name was a mispronounciation of bouillabaise or bouillon that just sort of stuck. booyah
or booyah

In comic books...it's been around for a while too. It apparently shows up as a POW! OOOF! kind of expression.

In the gang world, it's used to reflect the sound of a shotgun being fired.

Someone told me it was in a line from Jackie Brown.

Or maybe Stuart Scott just pulled it out of his a...uhhh...out of the air...


p.s. - thanks for stopping by my little bloggy blog.

1:02 PM  
Blogger Ben O. said...

Way to go Shawn - 100 points bro!

They are totally worthless and probably will just weigh ya down, but their all yours dude.

Great stuff -

Ben O.

5:23 PM  

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