I Can't Really Complain . . . But I Still Do
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Monday, August 29, 2005

Reality Bites

Here's one for ya . . .

The brand new Guinness Book of World Records just came out and I almost fell out of my chair when I noticed that they finally added the category I have been yearning for - "Longest time spent without becoming hopelessly addicted to a TV Reality Show". They must have gotten all of my letters. It turns out that some blind, deaf and mute guy in the Cashmere region of India actually made it a full two weeks. My hat's off to ya, Punjab. That takes some serious will-power, bro!

Now I don't want to ruffle any feathers here, but what the heck is going on with the current state of so-called Reality Television these days? You can't fling a sedated cat around anymore without knocking over a ten-foot high stack of Reality TV Show proposal scripts. Apparently, DeVry's new course in Reality Television Show Production has a three year waiting list . . . at least that's what the message said when I called to register.

As we head into the new Fall TV Season, I'm personally looking forward to "Survivor - Streets of LA" . This time around they are just going to film the people standing in line for the Survivor tryouts and whoever makes it the full 29 days without getting mugged, arrested or "voted off" by one of the local gangs . . . wins the million dollars.

Hey, pass the rice!

For my money, nothing beats sitting at home on the couch in your underwear with a king-size bag of cheetos and some malt-liquor watching a bunch of dudes sitting on a couch in an over-sized, over-stocked apartment in their underwear with their own king-sized bag of cheetos and malt-liquor. Just about the time I start to complain about how boring my own life has become, another hotly anticipated season of "Obnoxious Idiots in an Apartment" premieres and order is restored to the Universe. Isn't life just so ironical?

How come they don't send out questionnaires to the American Public asking for our input? Just the other day I had the perfect idea for a Reality Show. It's called "The Coolest Show Ever". The premise is simple - Tommy Lee and Donald Trump show up at my apartment and promptly deliver a large box containing 3 million dollars and a case of Cuban cigars. That's it. That's the show. Pretty cool, huh?

Okay, I guess I couldn't do any better than the people currently making Reality TV Shows. At least in my version of reality, when you turn it off . . . it stays off.

It's good to be back -

Ben O.

19 Comments:

Blogger John said...

Reality shows make me want to climb up on a clock tower and, well, I don't know, throw balloons filled with bleach and chipolte sauce at people. And maybe some thumb tacks for good measure.

Why do people keep watching these things? WHY?!! What the hell is wrong with people? I take some comfort in the fact there is one network that actually has NO reality shows planned for the fall season...Fox. Yes, the same "Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire," "Simple Life" Fox. We'll just see how long they last. I'm betting they'll pull a critically-acclaimed yet low-rated new series after only a few episodes and replace it with "Who Wants to Screw a Duck for Money?" or something.

12:49 PM  
Blogger Ben O. said...

Hey John - I hope I don't get hit with any of those less-than-appealing balloons of yours.

Obviously I agree, though.

I didn't know that about FOX - I was sort of hoping that they would bring back those two doofuses from "Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire" and make some show that follows them around now. We can't get enough of the "Where are they Now" themed show.

Ben O.

12:56 PM  
Blogger Marel Lecone said...

Originally, I was into the Bachelor and Bachelorette, at first. But, eventually, like soap operas, I just couldn't handle them anymore. That feeling of being strung along is unbearable and it really sucks. I can't even watch network tv anymore. So, I end up watching reruns of a show or movie on cable. Even, when it comes to shows like Surreal Life, it is so hard to watch someone or anyone act like an ass. It makes my skin scrawl. I think that I'm one to keep my eyes closed rather than watch a train wreck. Great post. And, all so true. Take care.

1:00 PM  
Blogger Ben O. said...

Thanks for stopping by, Marel.

Ben O.

1:20 PM  
Blogger John said...

I saw that in an article a few months ago when the networks announced their fall schedules. It said every network had reality shows in their lineup except Fox The only non comedy or drama they had in their lineup was American Idol. While it's not really my thing, I consider it more of a talent competition, and doesn't really fit the "stab people in the back and look like an ass on national TV" brand of reality TV.

Now that I think about, I probablly would watch a show called "Who Wants to Screw a Duck for Money?"

1:26 PM  
Blogger nutty said...

I hope it's ending because new ones fail, and all the others are battles between the has beens.

1:44 PM  
Blogger NYPinTA said...

Fox cancelled Firefly and Wonderfalls. Fox is dead to me.

1:48 PM  
Blogger metro said...

Ben O. I love your style. You always make me smile when I stop by your blog.

I have been laid up on the couch with an unexpected illness and surgery for the past few months. Maybe it is the narcotic pain killers I am on...but the reality TV shows have kept me laughing (and groaning) and some have actually been intertaining. (is that a measure of how sick I am? probably - 'grin').

3:16 PM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

They're cheap to make. Imagine not having to pay $100,000 each "friend" for each episode.

8:38 PM  
Blogger Terri said...

Although as a rule I detest reality TV, there have been 1 or 2 that I have enjoyed for pure entertainment value occasionally... Like the very first series of Survivor, when it was still a novelty.
But Britney and Paris together? That's really scraping the bottom of the pond and it makes me simply turn off the TV immediately, never mind changing channels.

2:33 AM  
Blogger Beth said...

You know, I'm not a reality TV fan, per se. When the Real World first came out, I loved it. How many later? I just won't watch it. Same with Survivor, the Amazing Race, Big Brother, etc.

Now Tommy Lee's newest, I have no idea why, but I actually enjoy it ... as you know.

I just think programmers need to do a bit more than what they're doing.

6:30 AM  
Blogger Kathleen said...

I'm so with you on the reality TV show issue. Of course, network TV lost me a few years back (more than five) when they canceled the only two shows I liked. Since them I have become addicted to A&E and Netflix. Thank God for Netflix.

7:28 AM  
Blogger Brooklyn said...

TO ME REALITY TV IS LIKE WATCHING A CAR ACCIDENT ABOUT TO HAPPEN ...YOU JUST CAN'T TURN AWAY UNTIL IT IS TOO LATE......

SO THE LATEST CRAP FOR REALITY TV, THAT I HEARD, WAS THAT BRITTNEY SPEAR'S DIRT BAG HUSBAND WANTS TO TAPE THE BIRTH OF THEIR CHILD AND THEN SELL TO A NETWORK TO AIR.....

GO FIGURE....

12:23 PM  
Blogger marrie said...

Thanks for the comment on my blog, I'd never read yours before, you are funny!

I never watch new reality shows, but I loved The Real World when I was a kid.

My dirty little secret is that I love Survivor though. I actually tape it. It is the only thing in the world that my dad and I ever discuss, since we have nothing in common, except this one show. Go figure.

12:28 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

To my favorite "Blogger". Is that a correct term? Missed you over the weekend!! Yes, I agree about the so-called Reality shows on TV. I've been living real life for a few years, and believe me, there is nothing REAl about any of those shows - except to point out how mean and deceitful some people can be, which is not a bit entertaining. Give me a good stack of CD's to enjoy instead. NJ

3:21 PM  
Blogger LiVEwiRe said...

I'm soo not a fan of reality TV. Well, except I was dying of boredom one day and stumbled across someone I found intriguing on one of those shows. Until he is gone I fear I may watch. I feel so dirty...

8:58 PM  
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