I Can't Really Complain . . . But I Still Do
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Location: Colorado

Thursday, August 18, 2005

What's With All The Crap?

Here's one for ya . . .

In the immortal words of President James K. Polk as he first entered the newly vacated oval office and almost tripped over all the stuff laying around, "Hey, what's with all the crap?" Sometimes the problem is simply not enough room for all those things that we live to accumulate. Collections are great and just about everyone has something that they are dorked out enough over to want every single one that was ever made. I remember scribbling my initials on the bottom of the feet of my Star Wars figures so that none of my so-called friends could try and make off with Walrus Man or any of the Jawas. How was I supposed to know that they would be considerably less valuable on eBay with sharpie markings all over their feet. You can take a man's food and his clothing, but Mister, you better leave those Star Wars action figures right where you found 'em.

The best thing to collect of course is money. I don't mean rare nickels with buffaloes on them, I'm talking about actual, spendable dollars. The problem is that most of us (me included) usually decide to collect something much less efficient and practical like antique washing machines. Okay, I admit it. I have been known to cruise the "useless appliance" section of eBay from time to time. I don't even care to mention how often I've stayed up into the wee hours fretting over a down-to-the-wire online auction, only to fall asleep seconds before it closes. Nothing like waking up in your underwear in front of the still flickering computer screen to find out that you lost the only remaining "Spin-o-Matic 2300" in existence to an elderly woman named Pearl in Saskatchewan.

Let us refrain from knocking eBay too harshly, though. This grand website has certainly done more to enable the freakiest among us to achieve, horde and amass in a few sleepless nights what only a couple of years before would have taken multiple lifetimes. It's like crack cocaine for collectors. The last time I was on there "browsing", I actually saw someone who was auctioning off their friendship. Did I miss something? How about I just paypal you a $20 and you promise to shut your noisehole for a month and refrain from ever, ever, ever playing with daddy's computer again?

"Nurse, more pills!"

At least it is nice to know that actual, breathing people are out there with more time on their hands, less money in their wallets and way fewer brain cells bouncing off of each other than even I have.

Excuse me while I go rearrange my collection of rare civil war general bobble-head dolls.

Ben O.


Blogger Henry said...

Have you ever been to whowouldbuythat.com?
Holy heck if I haven't giggled silly at some of the crap on there.
The Jesus Lamp is priceless. I can't imagine needing some more light and reaching over top of Jesus' crown of thorns to turn up the 60watts.

4:58 AM  
Blogger NYPinTA said...

Henry, I can't imagine you giggling. Sorry. Just can't.

7:56 AM  
Blogger MA said...

I like the way you think. Your blog is definitely the kind of stuff I like to read.

9:08 AM  
Blogger k said...

Your post is right on... I just had a garage sale last week and incorporated all those boxes of crap that finally made their way to me from my parents home. Who the hell wants 100+ unicorn figurines? Ok, so I collected them, I'm still trying to figure out why... and wishing I had the actual $$$ that I'd spent on some of them. Needless to say, at $3 each, I didn't sell even one of them. They got packed back up into a box and re-stored. Who wants the crap?!

9:34 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

We all hold onto things from a nostalgic point of view but when we are walking on trails through the house it is time to widen the road , and enhance our pocket book through a garage sale or a tax write off by a worthwhile donation to the Salvation Army, which by the way is where some of the stuff came from.

9:42 AM  
Blogger John said...

It's new, but it has potential.

Ten points for mentioning James K. Polk and Jawas in the same post.

10:11 AM  
Blogger Ben O. said...

Oh my gracious . . . I woke up and checked to see if anyone had taken the time to leave a comment and admittedly all I was expecting was a slew of porno and finance company spams.

You guys rock - not a single person wanting me to send them money in the lot.

Ben O.

11:11 AM  
Blogger John said...

You can send me money if you want. I mean, I'd be up for it.

12:08 PM  
Blogger trinamick said...

Money-grubbing bastard. Can't you see he needs all his pennies for antique washers?

12:25 PM  
Blogger LB said...

Ben, I have to say I love your url. I to grew very frustrated trying to pick one. I have only been up and running since 8/14. If you link me I'll link you. Check me out @
Life as a Box

1:06 PM  
Blogger Ben O. said...

The saddest thing is that I actually do have a collection of pennies, Trinamick. I am not fibbing. Please send any and all rare pennies to the most pathetic place you can think of . . . it will most likely be my little blue National Mint penny sleeve. I still need 1962, thank you.

Ben O.

1:21 PM  
Blogger Ben O. said...

Little Box . . . I am really, really new at this. Here is a newsflash for those who have actually seen the lame "this dude is a newbie" appearance of my blog page . . . I can't figure out how to change it so it allows me to do links.

I know - I can already hear the laughing.

The worst part is that I am not living in a cave . . . I had an atari. I guess somewhere along the way everything passed me by, somehow. (I should make a post about this . . .)

Ben O.

1:24 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ben O, you are attracting some attention!! I'll check MY penny collection for a l962. And yes, I remember the initials on the feet of the Star Wars people. I thought that was to keep your brother from claiming them. Remember the little cloth holders that your mom made for them??? NJ

1:40 PM  
Blogger Ben O. said...

Everyone . . . say hello to my Mom. I love her dearly. I would have had a much larger college fund had it not been for all of those Star Wars figures she bought me. Ain't Moms great?

Ben O.

1:44 PM  
Blogger Henry said...

I saw Moms post on your first entry
Classic Mom comments..

Hi Mom!!!!
I love everyones mom!!

Yes nypinta I giggle--have you seen the Jesus Lamp???????

1:48 PM  
Blogger Mr. T said...

Great post... I too lost my college fund to the many star wars figures. Had I known they would be worth a college fund now, I would have taken better care of them instead of loosing them at the beach trying to re-enact the Sarlac pit of RoTJ. :(

3:21 PM  
Blogger Glomster said...

Hey. You leave our sad, pathetic collections alone. I collect old tapes of classic Sesame Street and The Electric Company, and I LOVE my collections, goddarnit. Nice blog. I dig its homey, "western" style. Makes me think of a steak.

Man I could use a steak right now. And I'm vegan.

5:55 PM  

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