I Can't Really Complain . . . But I Still Do
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Location: Colorado

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Last Call

Here's one for ya . . .

How come we can we plant people on the moon, travel underneath the English Channel, and create a formula for baby shampoo that is Pooh's Corner fresh, but we can't devise a healthy soft drink that is even remotely good tasting? I'm just asking, because I am pretty sure that who ever provides the planet with that overdue service will not only get my vote for Man (or Woman - we don't want to discriminate here on the PS) of the Year, but will also secure their place on the short list of true modern visionaries. We can sandwich the lucky person in right between Albert Einstein and that dude that had the courage to ask "Hey, shouldn't we slice it before we sell it?"

I'm no expert, but I do think that it would be pretty darn cool if french fries were good for you. Imagine this - scientists everywhere declaring that the deeper you fry those tasty lil' suckers and the more grease that you use, the smoother your skin will be and the faster that you will see those positive results on standardized IQ exams. There would be charts and graphs illustrating the direct relationship between the amount of one's ice cream intake and the quality of their social life. Wait, that sort of already happens . . . doesn't it?

It probably wouldn't be the utopia that I have dancing around my head, though. Eventually some guy would have to ruin it all by suing McDonald's for making him too popular with the ladies in his bowling club or for making him too qualified for his current position at the tire factory. Just when everything is starting to come together you can always count on Murphy and his succinct little set of laws to suddenly kick in.

Oh well . . . all is not lost. I guess they would have to charge more for Coke if it whitened your teeth and made your armpits smell minty-fresh.

Ben O.

6 Comments:

Blogger trinamick said...

I know I would appreciate it if Cheetos made my hair healthier and were a good height stimulant. Where are all the inventors and scientists? Someone's dropping the ball here.

2:12 PM  
Blogger Ben O. said...

I would settle for cheetos that didn't make my fingers look like I have been digging in some strange orange, sticky dirt all afternoon.

Ben O.

4:08 PM  
Blogger Henry said...

Trina--are you short?
Just wondering...

4:56 AM  
Blogger NYPinTA said...

Why do they call them 'soft drinks' anyhow? I know there is a reason... I just don't know it.

7:55 AM  
Blogger Mr. T said...

They call them soft drinks for the way they make your teeth feel after drinking a six pack. I think maybe it also has to do with back in the day when Coke was made with "COKE" and was considered a "pick me up" and softer than hard liquor. Then again I don't really know but those two answers sounded good, right?

3:30 PM  
Blogger Ben O. said...

It's hard to argue with ya Mr. T, when your lil' picture is staring at me with that "I'll rip your face off and eat it without even breaking a sweat" stare.

whatever you say, Bro.

Ben O.

9:21 PM  

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