I Can't Really Complain . . . But I Still Do
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Location: Colorado

Monday, August 22, 2005

On The Road Again

Here's one for ya . . .

If a tree falls in the forest and lands on a shiny new BMW with vanity plates that read "more-$", does it make a sound? Much like the answer to "What is the meaning of life?" or "What is actually in the secret formula for Coke?", we may never know. At least we can find some solace in the fact that the poor little tree had something soft to break it's fall.

Now I don't want to ruffle any feathers here, but couldn't the money spent upgrading to a personalized license plate be more judiciously spent on something like a one-way Greyhound ticket to Toledo for twelve of your best friends; a really, really big vat of cookie-dough ice cream ; or even one of those funky little garden gnomes . . . covered in 18k gold? I don't know, I'm just askin'.

Does it really improve society to have every third car on the road plastered with so many bumper stickers that you inevitably get into an accident because you were too busy trying to read about all the things they want to save and all the causes they support? How about a sticker that says "My Other Car is a Billboard"? My favorites are the less-than-completely-thought-out groupings. Everyone reading this has probably been idling behind a truck with a proudly displayed "United We Stand" sticker located right next to a cartoon of a mischievous little boy peeing on the logo of the other truck company. Did I miss something? I like to think that I am as patriotic as the next guy, but could we have separated those two just a tad? For future reference, I need a buffer between my sentiments. Okay, fella. Thanks for caring, though.

And sometimes it's easier to just ram the car in front of you and get it all over with than to try and figure out what their vanity plate actually means. I went to college, but I don't even think Dan Brown could decipher some of the archaic, symbolized lil' sayings out there wizzing by at 90 MPH. The problem is that there are only so many letters and/or numbers that the hard working inmates at your local state prison can possibly cram on the standard state license plate. The result is practically a brand-new language - complete with intricate and bizarre rules of letter placement and verbage. I'm pretty sure they performed a scientific test last year and discovered that it is easier for the average American driver to master Swedish in a week than to accurately read 90% of the personalized license plates out there.

I guess the only thing that goes from 0-60 in 5.4 seconds around here is your bloodpressure as you sit in traffic behind yet another be-stickered 1975 Chevy Nova with the incredibly cute, if not entirely accurate license plate "2fst-4u".

Ben O.


Blogger Girl said...

Ha ha ha...very funny. Of course, there is the entire land of FL where there are over 95 specialty plates available.



ps-nice blog, I like it.

1:08 PM  
Blogger NYPinTA said...

I am easily amused by people that are still sporting campaign stickers on their car. I don't know why.

1:57 PM  
Blogger Momentary Academic said...

I've wasted many hours trying to figure out vanity license plates--inventing origin stories for them, or just trying to figure out what they mean.

You're right. Cryptography might be easier.

1:58 PM  
Blogger cali said...

I believe that the shiniest, newest BMW series incorporate a motion-sensing rocket launcher designed to handle just such a situation as a tree falling above it - or a passer-by getting to close to the paintwork. So i guess the answer would be "Yes - a very big bang."

2:30 PM  
Blogger nutty said...

Look! Not all your comments are spammers, silly boy. But, now that I have stopped by, I must say that was very funny ... and right.

3:29 PM  
Blogger Megan said...

"My other blog is a billboard." CLASSIC. That was a great line (that I might have to steal one of these days).

The thing that I hate most about bumper stickers? Usually the cars that I see with stickers showing they are a Democrat (like me) are junky cars that are just about the fall apart. It saddens me. Do only po' folk like me care about others?

And why do I want to call you "Bend Over" whenever I see your "BenO" screen name?

5:20 PM  
Blogger E said...

A really, really big vat of cookie dough ice cream...

Sorry, what was it that you were saying?


5:43 PM  
Blogger Terri said...

Hey, if you know where I can get one of those garden gnomes....

5:40 AM  
Blogger Beth said...

What a great post! Just what I needed this morning ... funny thoughts about real life.

I saw a personalized plate yesterday that said HZ U. The driver was a young African-American. I still can't figure it out. The plate, not the guy. lol

6:00 AM  
Blogger trinamick said...

Hey now! I have personalized plates! But they're not on a BMW, that's for sure. They're only $30 bucks here, so I can't do much with that extra cash anyway. Mine says KATMOBL - quick, what does that say?

One of the guys in my town had one that said IMZ14U. But he was wrong - I don't date drug dealers.

11:42 AM  
Blogger The Complimenting Commenter said...

Great post. That was extremely funny. I never noticed the United one, but I know I've seen it. Thanks for giving me something to look for on the ride home today.

1:07 PM  
Blogger Mrs.T said...

I really have to say, I hate, abhore even, bumper stickers... I used to want them all over my car, I was a teenager and no one let me. Thank you mom. When you buy the vehicle yourself and you still want to plaster crap all over it and decrease the value of it, then go for it, but not I.

1:24 PM  
Blogger Mike Todd said...


1:28 PM  
Blogger Ben O. said...



Ben O.

1:48 PM  
Blogger KayseaLove said...


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Blogger Master of None said...

I've been tempted by this one:

"I'm so going to blog this."

5:36 PM  
Blogger Clubbs said...

Funny stuff! I am personally intrigued by all of the various "ribbon magnents" on cars. Saw one the other day that said "I Support God." Bet He's really glad for that vote of confidence.
Found ya at the Complimenter's site.

7:38 PM  
Blogger Kathleen said...

I saw a personalized plate the other day which made me shake my head. It was on a red Z28 with the black protective "bra" on the front (God only knows what year it was, but they don't make 'em anymore). Anyway, the plate read:


He spent on MONEY ON THAT????

6:52 AM  
Blogger Ben O. said...

I am going to allow one freebie - I saw a great plate yesterday that read - "JUZGO"

I love it.

Ben O.

11:47 AM  

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