I Can't Really Complain . . . But I Still Do
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Location: Colorado

Monday, December 12, 2005

Would You Like Chestnuts With Your Backlash?

Okay, here's one for ya . . .

What the hey is going on out there, people? The last time I looked (and believe it or not, I look even more frequently than I care to mention) the ever popular complaint line at the Official Department of Everything Christmas was longer than the amount of red-tape required to get a special tax exemption for your invisible friend as a dependent, all stretched out from end to end.

Now that's a lot of tape.

I've seen less disturbing pictures painted by Salvador Dali during his "really freakish" period.

The point here is that neither Santa nor God ever intended the whole Christmas thing to get quite as cookie as it currently is. I'm pretty sure that a couple of angels actually lose their wings each and every time Mariah Carey hits that really high note in her runaway holiday hit "All I Want for Christmas is You".

You and I both know that there are entire zip-codes full of suit-wearing scrooges out there right now scurrying to position their company's newest toy or electronic device as this year's "must have" item of the season. Before the Thanksgiving cranberries are even allowed to settle, every single person in suburban America is already waiting frantically in line at the mall and more than ready to trample over his neighbor's face in order to get the last Nintendo Super-Duper Mp3 Gamebox-a-Rama. Little Johnny has to have it, for cryin' out loud.

For my money, I would personally like to see us ease up and relax back into a Christmas celebration that is focused a little bit less on . . . money. Don't get me wrong - I would never complain about something as spendable as money. Maybe I'm just old-fashioned that way.

Although, I don't think I have ever even seen a chestnut roasting. Have you?

So, then . . . what do you get when you take something that is completely wonderful in just about every way and loved by practically everyone, their grandma and their grandma's dog and then mercilessly squeeze every last drop of what everyone enjoys out of it?

No, not extra-virgin prune juice.

I think the word you're looking for is "Backlash".

Now I'm no expert, but can't we all just try and get along . . . at least in public.

We here at Procrastination Station are always looking for new ways to selflessly and humbly serve the public. This Christmas season, with so many people looking for a way to express themselves, we have decided to offer something you will truly be proud to wear no matter where you are.

For a limited time, we are selling these attractive "Just Say Merry Christmas" bracelets. In a time when the most cherished holiday of the year is being taken hostage by big business, strike a blow for tradition and the true essence of Christmas.

Get yours now - just $23.95 each (plus S&H).

Makes a great stocking stuffer.

Ben O.


Blogger anne said...

Count me in for one. Maybe if I wear it I'll feel it...?

1:04 AM  
Blogger aria said...

Oh I totally agree with all you've written here, especially with Mariah Carey causing angels to lose their wings. Hmmm, I wonder if that's why she has so many shoes - they make sure she has enough to occupy her time to keep her away from "singing" .... Anyways, that's besides the point...
Overly commercialized this season is. sad sad sad...
Hope you have a happy one nonetheless.
Best wishes,
~ aria :o)

8:39 AM  
Blogger Kathleen said...

Dear God, Marian Carey makes me want to shove an icepick in my ears. How can people listen to that? It's at a level that only dogs can hear.

Be careful or you'll get Bill O'Reily ordering a gross to help his point that it's too secular because you have to say Happy Holidays in order not to offend people.

8:54 AM  
Blogger beadinggalinMS said...

Mariah makes my ears bleed!!
Merry Christmas!!

BTW I have never seen a chestnut roast.

10:03 AM  
Blogger Nonny said...

I was completely on board until you got to the price for your bracelet. $23.95? That thing better be gold plated! Those usually go for $1 donation for most causes. Actually it IS a really good idea and I do think you could make some bank on those, then donate it to Salvation Army or something.

10:09 AM  
Blogger Terri said...

Clever trick, Ben... makin' money off dissin' the people who make money off Christmas lol!

1:18 PM  
Blogger tshsmom said...

Sorry Ben, we spend $10 tops on stocking stuffers.
Our family is probably on a Madison Ave hit-list. I shop for gifts year-round. We put up the same decorations year after year (it's called t-r-a-d-i-t-i-o-n). We bake our own Christmas goodies(quality family time).
In addition, our youngest child is old enough to realize that the toys that are hyped on TV seldom perform as advertised.
I dare Madison Ave to find a family that has a BETTER Christmas than we do; EVERY YEAR!

4:32 PM  
Blogger Lingo Slinger said...

My favourite things about Christmas are:

Playing board games with my family around the fire (after *more than a few* Christmas Eve cocktails)

Eating all of the yummy hors doevres that my mom makes on Christmas Eve.

Watching The Sound of Music on Christmas Day (Yep... You can laugh, I know... We watch it every year for some unknown reason).

TURKEY DINNER!!!! Bomb Diddy!!! Mmmm Mmmm Mmmm!!!

The presents are there, but definitely not the highlight for me. I do look forward to seeing my daughters get excited about Santa though, they're a bit young now, but next year!

Eventually we'll just give in to the politically correct national rapists and we won't even be allowed to celebrate Christmas anymore, so don't worry too much!


4:58 PM  
Blogger Sherry said...

Nope, I've never seen chesnuts roasting...

7:00 PM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

I'm pretty sure that a couple of angels actually lose their wings each and every time Mariah Carey hits that really high note in her runaway holiday hit "All I Want for Christmas is You".

Well, I'm not sure about this, but I do know that every time Jessica Simpson sings a Christmas song, an angel dies and falls from Heaven.

9:16 PM  
Blogger Sadie Lou said...

That's why I'm a fan of Thanksgiving! It's Christmas without all the money and presents.
Admission: I haven't even started Christmas shopping. The only thing I've accomplished so far is making cookies for the kid's teachers and the mailman.
I'm having trouble getting in the spirit this year. Then again, I haven't watched very many Christamas movies yet.

10:41 AM  

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