I Can't Really Complain . . . But I Still Do
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Location: Colorado

Monday, November 28, 2005

Free Of Charge

Okay people, here are a few Post-Thanksgiving freebies for ya . . .

- That stuff sitting next to the turkey labeled "Cranberry Sauce" is neither a berry nor a sauce. Eat it at your own risk. It tastes sort of good, but the consistency is literally beyond bizarre.

- The only way to truly remove a set-in giblet gravy stain is to vigorously rub a mixture of lighter fluid, dandruff and chilled perrier all over the soiled garment while ritualistically reciting the lyrics to your favorite Backstreet Boys Christmas song. It works every time.

- Did you know that we came awfully close to having the Wild Turkey as our national symbol instead of the Bald Eagle? Benjamin Franklin lobbied pretty hard, but ultimately lost out to an overwhelming effort on the part of the Eagle coalition. On a lighter note, the Pygmy Rat Weasel was also temporarily considered, but the Eagle and Turkey entrants kept eating all of the exhibition specimens, so nobody actually had a chance to vote for them. It's too bad . . . they're such cute lil' critters. And, they can eat over three times their weight in dryer-lint in less than an hour. Impressive.

- Beware the "Congealed Salad".

- And last, but certainly not least - What the heck is a "Cheetah Girl"? I'm not a certified wildlife expert, but I could have sworn that I saw three animal print sporting, bling-bling having teenie-boppers prancing around and lipsynching their souls away in front of Macy's Department Store while Matt and Katie irritatingly flashed and bantered their way through another Thanksgiving Day Parade . . . or was it all just a horrible nightmare? Probably both.

Glad to be of service -

Ben O.


Blogger Kathleen said...

I can't help you on the Cheetah Girls question as I avoid all parades always.

That's what was missing! Cranberry sauce in the shape of a tin can!!!

5:45 AM  
Blogger jenbeauty said...

The leftovers have left the building!

AND the Cheetah Girls, we have the DVD. I will get my dear princess to write you up a review. lol

7:52 AM  
Blogger beadinggalinMS said...

I will take one pygmy rat weasel for Christmas please! I am always doing laundry and they would be excellent to get rid of all my dryer lint or I could just seal it up and make you a pillow for Christmas LOL :)

Cheetah Girls?? sorry cant help ya there!

10:04 AM  
Blogger The Other Half said...

cheetah girls are a group of girl singers on the disney channel...popular with pre-teens and little girls. they're notorious for wearing animal prints

12:43 PM  
Blogger Sadie Lou said...

The Cheetah Girls were a lot less offensive that that PuffPuff Ani-Whatever duo from Japan. Yipes! It's something that came from cartoon network and it smells of fried squid.
I forbade my kids to watch it.

My son came home from school and told me how we narrowly escaped Tom Turkey being our official mascot.

12:58 PM  
Blogger Ben O. said...

Hey Ladies! (To be said in your best Jerry Lewis voice)

Kathleen - The Parade was decent, but why, why, why oh why do they insist on doing the stupidest, lamest singing numbers where they don't even try and cover up the fact that they are lipsynching?

Jen - I would actually invite any and all reviews of The Cheetah Girls - bring it on dear princess.

Beading Gal - The PRW's are great - for the first two days, they actually fit in your pocket. Then all bets are off.

Tude - I noticed in a big way.

Sadie - Yep, that was pretty terrible too. Why are our kids so goo goo for anything Japanese? I think it has to be in a foreign language and completely confusing for it to be required for the youth of America.

Ben O. (Insomnia is on downstairs - I love that flick.)

8:11 PM  
Blogger The Zombie Lama said...

Ugh.... Cheetah Girls... the zomblings love that movie.

9:34 PM  
Blogger Marie said...

Hey! Thanks for visiting and commenting on my blog earlier. :) And you're right about that cranberry sauce in a can. I'm not brave enough to eat that. hehe

10:02 PM  
Blogger Lingo Slinger said...

:( i'm sorry i missed this in my tuesday post! don't blame me, blame the horrible cold i have!

i hate cranberry sauce... leftover cranberry sauce must be dreadful.

hopefully the cheetah girls won't seep into the headspace of my daughters, i don't want them listening to that crap! they can only listen to good stuff like radiohead or the white stripes!

10:13 PM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Did you know that we came awfully close to having the Wild Turkey as our national symbol instead of the Bald Eagle? Benjamin Franklin lobbied pretty hard, but ultimately lost out to an overwhelming effort on the part of the Eagle coalition.

I knew this. :)

1:46 AM  
Blogger BigBill said...

Ski counter? Thats awesum!! You will have to post some pics!! I can't wait to ski here!! We go up to Wisconsin to ski. Its nothing like Colorado or what I can imagine Colorado would be like... Ihave skied in Nevada... Sugar bowl, Squaw Valley etc. I was stationed at Beale AFB in Northern Cali. for 4 years. So we would take the 1 hr drive up the mountains and ski our asses off!!
Here I usually go to a place called Wilmot mountian. It's not much but I enjoy the hell out of it. Check my sites for pics. They make their own snow there but the temp has to stay around 30 or below for a while. I think by January we should be able to hit the slopes!!
Blog With you soon!

5:54 AM  
Blogger Terri said...

Ooh, did the Backstreet Boys do a Christmas song???

6:42 AM  
Blogger StringMan said...

Cheetah Girls ... here in the Boston area, that's what we call girls who cheat. What are you, retaahded?

9:16 AM  
Blogger Sherry said...

'Cheetah Girls' sound like something bad... hehehehe

Cranberry sauce scares me... it wiggles!

5:56 PM  
Blogger FredCQ said...

My mother-in-law made homemade Cranberry sauce and it was the most vile thing that I have ever tasted. Blech!

5:57 PM  
Blogger Underachiever said...

Dude, I literally peed myself. Not related to this being one of the funniest posts ever.

Undr(weak bladder)

PS Congealed Salad hahaha

5:32 AM  

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