I Can't Really Complain . . . But I Still Do
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Location: Colorado

Thursday, September 08, 2005

I'll See Your Bet and Raise You $100

Okay, Here's one for ya . . .

When is the only time that Two of a Kind beat a Full House?

Answer - When it's 2:00 AM, the frat house is full of empty beer bottles and you've got an Advanced Economics exam that you've yet to begin studying for in 5 hours.

Now I love playing a friendly game of cards as much as the next guy, but don't you think we're beginning to take our insane love for poker just a tad too seriously? When some rail-thin, pasty-fleshed dude known as "The 5-Card Terminator" is going through more women than 007 in an entire James Bond Box Set, just because he recently advanced to the semi-finals of the Iowa State Poker Championships . . . it might be time to start considering a reality check. Ya think?

I realize that I might possibly be the only person left in America that hasn't found himself sitting across the table from Uncle Joey of Full House, enthusiastically uttering the phrase "Ante up you Mary Kate and Ashley loving Doofus!" The fact is that up until about a year ago, I was still under the impression that the term "Caribbean Stud" referred to the Jamaican wind-surfing instructor at "Sandals".

At least sensible minds have prevailed so far and we haven't gone too far with the whole poker frenzy. It might be embarrassing if actual sports channels like ESPN began broadcasting 5-Card Tournaments. I mean, can you imagine the spectacle of a table full of out-of-work actors sitting around playing poker? They might as well put Tennis on TV too while they're at it. (Sorry Andre - you rock!)

All of a sudden, I have a strange desire to strap myself to the couch and watch a 12 hour marathon of Fear Factor. If only I had access to a Big-Gulp, some Sea Monkeys and one of those sticky lint-remover thingies.

(I guess this has gotten a bit off subject.)

I think what I'm trying to say can best be summed up by para-phrasing the newly adopted and unanimously ratified rules & guidelines of the National Poker Players Association . . .

1. All players must submit a signed affidavit declaring that they will refrain from using the nicknames "Tennessee Slick", "The San Francisco Kid" and "Ruprecht".

2. At no time may any player use the phrase "X in the center to block". That is the sole property of Hollywood Squares.

3. It is generally considered bad form to get up on the table and "Shake your money-maker" in everyone else's face after winning a hand.

4. The NPPA is not responsible for any bodily harm that occurs as the result of playing poker with Mike Tyson.

5. For the last time - you don't need to say "Uno!"

I guess I'm just jealous because I stink at 5-Card. Of course, I could be bluffing.

Ben O.


Blogger DelBoy said...

Great post Ben!

Poker on TV is pretty big in the UK and yes, it has even appeared on Sky Sports (THE sports channel over here), but so far only on Sky Sports 2 and only very late at night!

BTW, they're also showing the US Open tennis at the mo'!


3:02 AM  
Blogger Terri said...

The only poker I was ever good at was strip poker. Oh wait, now that I think about it, I stank at that too :-0

3:16 AM  
Blogger Master of None said...

I like to play poker, but I only do it every 2 or 3 years or so. Thus, I spend most of my time trying to remember what beats what. I'm a blackjack man.

3:50 AM  
Blogger Erika said...

Hi, Ben, thanks for stopping by. Little Miss and I, likes us a friendly game of poker. That's actually a joke, we are pretty competitive, but as I'm the last one to lose, we should discuss this no further.

5:59 AM  
Blogger jenbeauty said...

Your bluffing and the only way for me to play poker is if I get to shake my moneymaker at you!

9:23 AM  
Blogger Mama Duck said...

"..as still under the impression that the term "Caribbean Stud" referred to the Jamaican wind-surfing instructor at "Sandals"."

Too damn funny.

Everytime they say "fop" (that's right isn't it?) I wonder why they can't just use English to say what they mean!!!!

P.S. AM a HUGE closet Aggie fan...many of my friends/readers are Horns fans...it's tough to cheer for the underdog! :)

11:14 AM  
Blogger dsweetz said...

Lol!!! Thanks for stopping by my spot.

I love poker!!!! When I was in "Nacanowhere" a.k.a. Nacogdoches, TX......there really wasn't much to do but sit around and play poker w/ family n friends. Only play online now in Florida......miss the games w/ family tho!

12:17 PM  
Blogger nutty said...

Why is Poker on ESPN, really? And what about the spelling bee, and scrabble championship ... what does ESPN stand for?

12:17 PM  
Blogger Ben O. said...

Great comments - I just love logging on and checking out what the smartest people on the internet think about what I wrote the night before.

(How's that for product placement?)

Ben O.

1:40 PM  
Blogger holli said...

I can't play poker - but thanks for reminded me how much I LOVED SEA MONKEYS!! wait - you wanted to eat them, didn't you???


2:45 PM  
Blogger Reagan said...

hey, ben...thanks for stopping by and checking out my major bruise. i play poker, but i guess it would have to be referred to as "naive chick" poker, since we play for candy. too chicken and too poor to play for money...pathetic.

5:45 PM  
Blogger KELLI BELLY said...

You and my hubby would get along. He's a poker freak. I had to pull him away from his cell phone at Hailee's B-Day party bacause he was playing poker on it. I just sit around and watch the guys play. I'd kick all their asses if I actually played!;) Thanks for stopping by my blog. BTW I think jenbeauty wants you to POKE-HER.

5:58 PM  
Blogger Nytro said...

hey! thanks for visiting my blog. i got a kick out of your poker post! later.

12:05 PM  
Blogger Maria said...

Thanks for stopping by and the congrats!

Great post...reminds me of my good ol' collge days (before nursing school)doing everything but studying for my exam the next day.

5:53 PM  

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