Is That a Valentine in Your Pocket, or Are You Just Happy to See Me?
The 10 least effective things to say after forgetting to get your loved one a gift for Valentines Day -
1. I was unavoidably detained at a cozy lil' facility downtown and darn-it-all if they didn't offer me but just 1 phone call, baby.
2. I was going to wait to tell you this until our 3 month anniversary, but I'm a superhero and there was this mad scientist trying to take over the world and he just happened to pick Valentines day as the time to unleash his diabolical plan.
3. The line at Starbucks was really, really long.
4. I got confused and bought a keg of green beer, a stuffed four-leaf clover and a bunch of those lil' plastic hats. It's the thought that counts, right?
5. I wanted to get you some really nice, elegant lingerie, but that place that I like to go to out past the railroad tracks was all out of their neon Lil' Bo Peep outfits.
6. I wanted to dress up in a really nice, elegant outfit and surprise you, but that place that I like to go to out past the railroad tracks was all out of their neon Lil' Bo Peep outfits.
7. I had to fly to the Bahamas and take a paternity test to determine if I was the father of Anna Nicole Smith's child.
8. The 13 voices in my head convened a meeting and collectively decided that it would be a better financial decision for everyone involved to boycott Valentines Day this year.
9. My pimp called late last night and said I had to hit the street.
10. Ozzy Ozbourne's new CD doesn't come out until next week.
Ben O.
1. I was unavoidably detained at a cozy lil' facility downtown and darn-it-all if they didn't offer me but just 1 phone call, baby.
2. I was going to wait to tell you this until our 3 month anniversary, but I'm a superhero and there was this mad scientist trying to take over the world and he just happened to pick Valentines day as the time to unleash his diabolical plan.
3. The line at Starbucks was really, really long.
4. I got confused and bought a keg of green beer, a stuffed four-leaf clover and a bunch of those lil' plastic hats. It's the thought that counts, right?
5. I wanted to get you some really nice, elegant lingerie, but that place that I like to go to out past the railroad tracks was all out of their neon Lil' Bo Peep outfits.
6. I wanted to dress up in a really nice, elegant outfit and surprise you, but that place that I like to go to out past the railroad tracks was all out of their neon Lil' Bo Peep outfits.
7. I had to fly to the Bahamas and take a paternity test to determine if I was the father of Anna Nicole Smith's child.
8. The 13 voices in my head convened a meeting and collectively decided that it would be a better financial decision for everyone involved to boycott Valentines Day this year.
9. My pimp called late last night and said I had to hit the street.
10. Ozzy Ozbourne's new CD doesn't come out until next week.
Ben O.
posted by Ben O. | 10:39 AM
7 Comments:
What if it wasn't even acknowledged? As in, not even a Happy Valentine's Day...
Kathleen, see #11.
Ben O.
I hope it went well, Ben.
Numbers 5 and 6 threw me for a second...funny!
I'm in Australia at the moment, but I'm just checking in on my blogger buddies during a bit of down time...
Take care out there!
Your Pal,
Zambo.
I can see you're a very sensitive guy!
My husband bought me flowers and bought our daughter a rose and I didn't get him anything (because we're actually going out to dinner tonight for V-Day). So I went to the store pretending I needed some cough syrup for Andy and I picked up a tuxedo cake (his favorite) to eat while we watch LOST on the computer.
I'm not the romantic one in the marriage.
3. The line at Starbucks was really, really long.
The thing is, this is a valid excuse over here. I'm not a Starbucks drinker, but I've seen people waiting outside pondering the line and wondering if they'd want to go in or not.
How about "I tried to get you something special, but Jenny Craig wouldn't sell me a gift certificate..."
If that doesn't get you kicked to the curb, I don't know what will!
Post a Comment
<< Home