Late Night T-Shirt Logic

Evil Twin Biff

Is That An iPod On Your Belt-Buckle Or Are You Just Happy To See Me?

Okay, check this website out and let the commenting begin. I knew it was just a matter of time before we started wearing all of our lil' techno-gadgets.

Dude, where are the Cell-Phone Baseball Caps and the Play Station Portable Wristbands?

Heck . . . for that matter, what about locking the design team geeks down in the sub-basement without any porn or oreos until they are finally able to come up with something really useful . . . like a combination money clip/thong/keychain-holder.

Now that would ruffle a few feathers at next year's "Invento-Fest Convention" in downtown Cincinnati. The best part is that you'll never have to worry about losing your car keys again, because they are conveniently wedged up where the sun doesn't shine, providing for a constant reminder each and every time you go to sit down.

Pure Genius!


Ben O.

BTW - I love the 3rd comment down on the "Tunebuckle" page that spells out exactly how to make it big.

Anyone Want To Hit The Slopes?

Well, I've been up in the mountains skiing the past two days (and having a total blast - I might add), but the downside is, as you've probably noticed by now, that I've generally been neglecting most of my duties as Lead Blog Writer here at Procrastination Station. I guess I can kiss that new office goodbye, huh?

I actually had 2 and a half decent ideas over said span of time, but due to a total and complete lack of computer access while riding the lift (and an equally total and complete lack of wittiness), nothing actually made it into the blog.

(Everyone says "No Duh!" in perfect unison)

I did receive some interesting pictures of the newest ski resort to hit the scene. They look great and everyone seems to be having a really good time . . . the only catch is that the freakin' ski hill is in the middle of the Arabian Desert. Does that seem a tad strange to anyone else . . . or is it just me?

Ordinarily the only thing you have to watch out for might be a couple of crazy snowboarders, not a herd of wild camels. It sort of adds a whole new dimension to the the term "Apres Ski" . . . if you catch my drift.

Anyway - sorry for the lack of content lately, but every now and then you just have to push the keyboard back, count to 1,376 and get some fresh air. I was starting to smell my own brain . . . and I'm pretty sure that ain't good.

Ben O.

T-Shirt Logic

Evil Twin Biff

I Guess I'm Just Too Tagalicious

Okay people, we got tagged again. Yep, I couldn't run fast enough and FredCQ over at Doomed to Rock somehow negotiated past the deflector shields and trap doors.

Oh well, it's been awhile since the last time we were tagged and Evil Twin Biff has been out of the office all morning (the last I heard, he was somewhere on the back nine flirting with that unusual girl that looks a little bit like Rosanna Arquette), so I guess the World won't come to a screeching halt if we relent and give the masses what they want.

Here goes . . .

Four Jobs You've Had In Your Life

1. Lifeguard - This is actually an awesome job for a somewhat cool, but infinitely awkward dude who is good at swimming, enjoys sitting around in the sun and doesn't mind an occasional bikini-clad babe strutting by the pool.
2. Blockbuster Video Checkout Lackey - I'm pretty sure this one speaks for itself. It seemed like a good idea at the time . . . I did get to checkout 3 free movies a week.
3. Ski Instructor - This would be such an ideal career if it only paid a tad more.
4. Nintendo Line Worker - This was a temporary job, but it is worth mentioning simply because of the breakroom. They know how to take care of their day labor up there at Nintendo. I've never seen so many free video games.


Four Movies You Could Watch Over And Over

1. Highlander - This is such a cool flick. I've heard all the complaints, but I find that I really enjoy watching Connery and Lambert kicking immortal bootie and taking names all over the globe. There can be only one.
2. Memento - You almost need to watch this over and over just to get all the nuance. I love the reverse storytelling technique.
3. The Matrix - This is one of my new favorites. I just love the ideas that come up when I watch it. It has been copied so much, now that you forget how creative and cool looking it was (is.).
4. Pulp Fiction - Okay I know it is a tad over the top, but there are so many excellent performances intertwined in there that it is so easy to watch over and over and over again.


Four Places You've Lived

1. Little Rock, Arkansas
2. Galveston, Texas
3. Lubbock, Texas
4. Seattle, Washington


Four TV Shows You Love To Watch

1. CSI
2. PTI
3. Cold Case Files (the real one, not the fictional show.)
4. Miami Ink


Four Places You've Been on Vacation

1. New York City
2. Vera Cruz, Mexico
3. Paris, France
4. Montego Bay, Jamaica


Four Blogs You Visit Daily (If you ain't on here, don't cry. I check alot of blogs frequently, but these are my "everyday-ers")

1. Sadico Junction
2. Lingo Slinger
3. Underachiever's Corner
4. Terri's Web Stuff


Four of Your Favorite Foods

1. French Fries - I'm actually thinking about writing a French Fry book. Anyone interested in reading something like that? Naturally, it would have big, beautiful pictures.
2. Chips and Salsa - See #1.
3. Pizza - Does anyone not like pizza?
4. Coke - The drink, not the narcotic. Although, it might as well be - as addictive as it is. I just like the taste. Diet won't do . . . I want the real thing, baby.

Four Places You'd Rather Be

1. Dublin
2. Paris
3. Montreal (I think . . . haven't been there yet.)
4. Vancouver


Four Albums You Can't Live Without

1. U2 - "The Joshua Tree" - This was the very first CD I owned and it is still one of my favorites.
2. Pink Floyd - "Animals" - I love almost every Floyd album, but this one always comes to mind when I feel like putting them on.
3. Stevie Ray Vaughan - "Texas Flood" - Just listen to it.
4. Peter Gabriel - "Us" - This 4th one is the toughest to pick, but I've been listening to him alot lately so it's as good a fit as any other.


Four Vehicles You've Owned (in chronological order)

1. 1967 Ford Mustang - This is the coolest looking car I have ever (or will ever) own. I still can't believe that my first set of wheels was a red and black '67 mustang. I was such a mack daddy.
2. Honda CRX - This car was actually amazingly fun to drive. It was a five-speed stick with a CD changer in the back and it could turn an a dime. It wasn't much bigger than a dime come to think of it.
3. Mitsubishi Eclipse - "The Silver Bullet" . . . 'nuff said.
4. Jeep Grand Cherokee - I love this automobile. The 4 wheel drive is excellent and it looks pretty good too.


Here's where not being one of my daily blogs pays off in dividends . . . I tag all four of my "gotta-have-it-once-every-24-hours" blogs. That means you - Sadie, Lingo, Undr and Terri (I know you just got back from your trip, so you get a lil' grace period.)

Any complaints can be written out long-hand on a crisp $100 and mailed expedited to yours truly.


Ben O.

34 - 17

Ouch!

Ben O.

That's Gonna Leave A Mark

Okay, here's one for ya . . .

Has anyone seen the brain that every single executive in the sports industry shares? I think I heard a rumour that it was on a plane headed for Whitefish, Montana enroute to the Annual "Let's See How Much More We Can Muck Up The Best Thing We Have Going" Convention.

Ding, Ding. You are now free to fly off the handle.

Thanks . . . I think I will.

Now I'm no expert, but when did it suddenly become acceptable for that gigantic sports venue sitting across from all of those shiny buildings downtown, that we all helped pay for, to be called anything other than "This is our lil' town's collective pride and joy and you can never put a price on it" Stadium? Apparently it happened a couple of years ago while we were all distracted by the final episode of Seinfeld (for my money the last Cheers was actually much better). We all
went to sleep and woke up the next day with a strange taste in our mouths. Something wasn't quite right . . . but nobody could quite put their finger on what it was. Until that Sunday when we all picked up our tickets and headed out for the game. Everything was seemingly perfect. The birds were singing, the air was nice and clean, and then, much to our surprise, we found ourselves standing awestruck in front of some hideous monstrosity with an enormous pulsating electric sign that said "Welcome to Preparation H Stadium".

Excuse Me?!? Oh no you didn't!

Just exactly how the heck are you supposed to get excited about spending three hours of your life cheering on your team in a place named after a product your grand-uncle-in-law uses when he can't sit down? Anyone? I don't even like picking that stuff up off the Walgreen's shelf, much less pondering how I'm gonna explain myself to the Wife once I've finally talked her into going to the game with me.

Could ya have maybe thought about it for longer than three and a half seconds before ya decided that the best possible means of getting the word out about your product was to paint the name across our building in larger-than-life color? I mean, you get to tee off at Pebble Beach tomorrow, while we have to drive past the place on our way to work. And might I add that it's uphill both ways.

Now the way I see it, we admittedly shoulder at least a portion of the blame. I guess each and every taxpayer could dig a little bit deeper and come up with the $14,000 that we would undoubtedly each have to pony up if Daddy Warbucks wasn't there to buy the naming rights. Let me just check my pockets. Hey, what do you know . . . I've got $4.78. Can I pay it off in installments?

Okay, maybe that isn't the answer either.

I guess until some benevolent company steps up and selflessly offers to pay for the right to name a sports venue something like "Citizenry Field" or "John Q. Public Arena", I'll just have to get a running start and try like heck to hold my nose as I enter underneath the giant, glow-in-the-dark "Odor-Eaters International Ballpark" banner.

Oh the humanity . . .


Ben O. (for my father, Dad O. I enjoyed talking with you the other day.)

In Praise Of Colorado

Here's a little something I intended to post a few days ago . . .

Saturday my wife and I had one of those days where everything seems to remind you how lucky you are to be alive in such a wonderful part of the country. We got up and went to Starbucks for some coffee (and kolaches - Dad and Brother O will know what I'm talkin' about). Then we headed up into the mountains for an afternoon of snowshoeing. It was beautiful. Nice and crisp, without being too terribly cold.

Then later that afternoon when we got back home, we spent the rest of the evening watching our beloved Broncos beat down on the defending champs to advance to the AFC Championship game.

That's a pretty good day if you ask me . . . and I know you would ask if you only could.


Ben O.

A Little Shameless Self-Promotion

Okay, here's something all of you loyal Procrastination Station readers might find interesting . . .

Yours Truly emailed a letter in to Cargo Magazine a while back and apparently they were low on usable input, because they published it in the February edition.

So, the next time you happen to be strolling through the magazine section at the local grocery store or neighborhood Barnes & Noble Booksellers . . . pick it up and take a look (page 14).

You can't make this stuff up. Believe me, I've tried.


Ben O.

BTW - Cargo is actually a pretty nice magazine, if you are a dude and you're into men's fashions, cars, gadgets, sex, music, exercise, wine and food. And who among us dudes isn't?

Martin Luther King Day

Sleep, sleep tonight and may your dreams be realized.
And if a thundercloud passes rain, so let it rain, let it rain . . . rain on here.

So let it be.

MLK

Feedback Friday (#18)

Okay people, Friday is here yet again and guess what . . . I'm still in a musical mood. I momentarily pondered asking everyone out there something like "What is your favorite hamburger condiment?" or "What is your favorite color?" or even "What do you want etched on your tombstone" (actually that one ain't too bad. Gotta file it away for future reference), but with all the "rock-band and iPod talk" going around here lately, I just can't shake this desire to dig a little deeper into the collective musical psyche.

So, here goes -

As far as I can tell, there are no more perks left upon the foreseeable horizon to be dispensed by the Management Big-Wigs here at Procrastination Station after Evil Twin Biff was simultaneously awarded both the closest parking space AND the last remaining faux "Masters-ish" green blazer in an hour long, pomp-and-circumstance riddled ceremony this afternoon that cut halfway into my lunchbreak. I so had my heart set on getting one of those studly looking sportcoats, too. They're such a nice shade of lime-green, and that little Procrastination Station company logo/crest emblazoned prominently upon the lapel just shouts "I've finally made it in the blog-world". Darn-it-all!

I'm not bitter, though. At least I still have what every good blog-slogger out there has going for them - the undying praise and adoration of my peers. Right?

Anyone?

Hello?

Beuller?

Mom?

Wow, I actually think I heard an echo emanate from my computer screen. Is that even possible?

Okay, let's get on with it, shall we? This time I want to know all about your 3 favorite instrumental songs. This one might be a tad subtle. If you find yourself reading this and you are really into Jazz, Classical or maybe even Elevator Music you shouldn't encounter any problems at all coming up with 3 really good contenders, but if the names Britney and/or Justin are listed on the back of your favorite CDs then you might be searching for awhile to find an actual instrument, much less an instrumental song. Good luck.

So that's it. The assignment is to list your three favorite instrumental (meaning music only - no words) songs and what you like about them. Afterall, the reasons are the best part. Right?

This should be fun.


Ben O.

There Can Be Only One

Before I post this week's Feedback Friday session, I wanted to throw out a quick nod to the 30 Second Bunny Films. These are some really imaginative short videos that are actually quite funny and amazingly true to the original content, albeit in condensed and animated format. One of my favorite movies is "Highlander", and I get a real kick out of the 30 second bunny performance of that flick.

I like how every time someone says "There can be only one."

She pops up and asks "Only one what?"

Here is the link for the 30 Second Bunny Production of Highlander - Enjoy.


Ben O.

T-Shirt Logic

Evil Twin Biff

Doofus Musta Gotten Hizself A New Toy

Okay, I'm trying to figure out what the hey is going on with my adorable lil' banner up there.

In the meantime, have some fun with this -

Ben's First iMix (on iTunes)

I know that every 5 year old, PSP having kid out there can run circles around me on iTunes, but at least I'm learning . . . and having a pretty good time at it.

Ain't digitized music great? (Don't answer that, Elvis.)


Ben O.

The Tunnel at The End of The Light

What a blast! (Apologies to those of you out there who don't exactly get excited about all this "what-if-music-talk". I would probably go all glazed over after a few hours of Knitting 101, so I can sympathize. But for now . . . deal with it.)

Believe it or not, I think I have finally come up with the Ultimate Dream Rock 'n Roll Band. It was actually much harder than I originally thought it would be. This became something of a labor of love the likes of which I hadn't accurately predicted when I offhandedly tossed the question out there like some dang fool letting rocks go into one of those fake amusement park ponds.

But, after much deliberation I'm pretty sure that it's finished.

And without any further fanfare, here is the lineup of Ben O's Ultimate Dream Rock 'n Roll Band -

Drums - Neil Peart of RUSH. This guy's nickname is "The Professor" and the truth is that he basically plays every single freakin' song like he's putting on a clinic. The man is simply ultra-amazing. Now I know that RUSH is not exactly mainstream or even likeable by most of you out there, but you have got to do yourself a favor and listen to at least a few of their songs sometime and check out how intense this guy's skills are. No question here - it was Neil from the get go.

Bass - Flea of The Red Hot Chili Peppers. What a cool dude. Even if he couldn't play that good he would still be in the running simply on style points. But, here's the rub . . . he is actually really, really good. I love a bass player that knows when to be the rhythm and when to shine a little bit. He does.

Piano - Dave Brubeck. Two words - "Take Five". Great stuff. He's in the band for his ability and musical sense, but I have to admit that I am also interested in seeing him hang out with all the youngblood after the show. To be a fly on the wall for some of that conversation, huh?

Keyboards - Eddie Van Halen. This one just came to me. He's the perfect keyboard player because if your lead guitarist goes down with the Mumps or Montezuma's Revenge or something like that, he can grab a pick and take off.

Saxophone - Charlie Parker. I like a little sax in my rock song from time to time and this guy can certainly play. Maybe, just maybe he can teach some of the young whipersnappers in the band a little class and culture as well. One can certainly hope.

Rhythm Guitar - The Edge. This was the ultimate "No Brainer". Dave Evans (aka "The Edge") is without a doubt the most musical guy on-stage whenever U2 plays and I want that ability to make the magic happen in my standing guitarist. He really does make it look (and sound) so easy. And he has a cool name . . . that will always get you points in my book.

Lead Guitar - David Gilmour of Pink Floyd. This one was probably the hardest to choose. I wanted to include Stevie Ray Vaughan and then I wanted Joe Satriani and there are even others, but when it came down to it, Dave has to be the man. Just listen to "Shine on You Crazy Diamond" and you will agree with me. This guy is simply a silky smooth lead player with an intensely refined knowledge of all things musical. He plays one of my favorite guitars (the Fender Stratocaster) and he can sing back-up vocals. I actually love his voice. Strangely enough Pink Floyd songs are some of my favorites to sing along with because of where his voice falls on the register. I'm actually listening to him play as I type this out. Great stuff.

Lead Vocals - Sarah McLachlan, Christine McVie of Fleetwood Mac and Marvin Gaye. Okay, I cheated a little bit here, but I always knew that I was going to have one of those multi-singer bands ala Chicago or Fleetwood Mac. I like the variety they provide. Sarah, I'm convinced won a poker game with an angel, robbing it of it's voice. I love the emotion she fills her singing with. Beautiful. Christine's songs have always been my favorite Fleetwood Mac songs. She lays it all out there and somehow keeps you guessing just a little bit about how she really feels. If you cry at heartfelt songs, don't play any of her songs on your iPod in public. You'll be sobbing in no time. Marvin Gaye is gonna keep this whole talent-crazy production grounded in what really matters. He sings from some hidden place deep within his soul and he has an unteachable understanding of vocal recording. Listen to some of his better cuts and you can hear him singing multiple tracks masterfully layered over another. If we ever get all these egos in the studio at one time, he can work the board and create some real sonic magic.

Principle Songwriting - Bono, Paul Simon, Sting and that dude from Counting Crows. Not much to say here except that lyrics are extremely important in my opinion and these guys are impeccable in that department. The saddest part is that the writing of intricate, meaningful lyrics is such a lost art these days. (Notice the complete and total lack of any and all boy-band members and/or bubble-gum "look-at-me" pop princesses on the list.)

Pan Flute - Zamfir. What can you say . . . he's the undisputed master of the pan flute.

Now the only thing left to do is name the band. How about "The Tunnel at The End of The Light". Don't ask, I just like the sound of it.


Ben O.

BTW - Please continue to comment on this entire string of thought and if you submitted ideas for your own band, please tell us what you would call them.

BTW2 - Go check out Mark's blog where he is asking the reader a slightly different, yet equally interesting musical question.

Feedback Saturday (#17)

Well, I lasted all of one week getting Feedback Friday packaged and shipped out on an actual Friday. It's not like I haven't been doing this for months. You would think that a sane person with little to no clinical dimentia could somehow manage to sit down, type up a post and send it off to be included in his blog within the somewhat-less-than-restricting time period of 24 hours. But no . . . I have to procrastinate and goof off and leave the good people out there hanging on every single word as if it could possibly be the last one ever.

(Dude, just post the darn thing and call it Feedback Saturday already so we can read it, get slightly disappointed and surf on over to Madcowdiseaseupdate.com.)

You got it!

Here it is -

I have been thinking about this one for sometime now. I want some serious participation, because I think it could be a good one. Management has been hinting at the possibility of letting me use the breakroom once a week and I can think of no better way of making that dream into a reality than to turn in a real knockout winner for the weekly informational feedback session.

The assignment is to comment on what your "perfect rock 'n roll band" lineup would be, assuming that you could pluck a singer from this band and a guitarist from that band and a drummer from yet another group altogether, etc. Did somebody say "strange bedfellows"? Yes I know it would never work in the real world, but we here at Procrastination Station haven't exactly been living in the real world for some time now, have we? (Haven't you been paying attention?)

I'm actually pretty excited to hear all about how you want Peter Cetera from Chicago (and elevators all over America) to join up with John Bonham of Led Zeppelin on drums(that reminds me - you can pick deceased musicians too), some dude named "Broken Stinger" from a band who's name is an unintelligible symbol on bass and Buddy Holly on lead guitar. Yikes! I think I can feel my teeth melting a little as I think about that sweet melodious stew oozing out of the speakers.

Anyway, that's it . . . that's the homework for the weekend.

I can't wait to read those comments. I am going to give it some real thought and I'll chime in with my "perfect band" after awhile.

This should be fun.


Ben O.

BTW - Go check out Manic Mom's blog. She is currently running an ongoing fictional story that is written by you (and I), the readers. Pretty cool notion actually - I wish I had thought of it. (Manic, I am so going to steal this idea for a future post of my own.)

Please Hammer, Don't Hurt 'Em

Okay people, here's another one for ya . . .

Does anyone else have that dream where you're running frantically against the grain down one of those electric moving sidewalks at the airport in full-on scuba gear because you're already two days late for the tryouts for the part of Dr. Watson in the Puerto Rican production of "Sherlock Holmes meets the Creature of the Deep" . . . or is it just me?

That's good. I was beginning to think it might be something that I need to start worrying about. (as if that cup ain't runnething over already)

They say that alot can be learned from your dreams . . . at least it sure seems like every time you turn the TV on some guy with bullet-proof hair named Chip or Stone is gabbing away through impossible teeth about how interpreting one's dreams is the key to bountiful happiness and complete and total understanding of all that life has to offer. I guess it could certainly be true that on some level the ole' subconscious might be trying to sneak one in edgewise while we're asleep and the guard has been let down a little, but the last time I checked, dreaming about mowing that cool Mickey Mouse-shaped patch of grass at the entrance to Disneyland in your pink and baby-blue "Easter Bunny" pajamas while the soothing refrains of M.C. Hammer's "You Can't Touch This" play in the background does not mean that you need to clear up any unresolved issues with your mother from your pre-adolescent childhood. It almost certainly does, however, mean that you're a complete and total super-freak and should probably stay indoors when the temperature tops 85 degrees, just to be safe.

I had a point when I started . . . I'm almost sure of it.

Maybe it was this - dreams are cool and if you are having them it means that you are sleeping which, as everyone who has been alive since before MTV already knows all too well, is truly the key to happiness. A good night's sleep. Can't beat it with a stick.

Well, there it is. It ain't much of a point, but it'll have to do . . . I'm getting tired.


Ben O.

Mr. Boffo - Don't Knock It 'til You Try It

Do yourself a favor and hit this site sometime soon. The link-button is right down there on the left of the screen.

This guy's sense of humor is really refreshing. I get tickled just thinking about some of his comic strips.


Ben O.

T-Shirt Logic

Evil Twin Biff

Pez Haircut

Okay, here's one for ya . . .

So I'm standing 13 people back in line at the local grocery store behind what I am completely convinced was either Santa Claus on one of his 364 days off or last year's Grand Champion at the Alabama State Fair "Burl Ives by-way-of Ernest Hemingway Look-A-Like" Contest, just minding my own business when off to my left I noticed a kid and his dad immersed in what turned out to be the funniest conversation I had heard in a good long time. Here is my humble attempt at a paraphrase :

Kid - "Hey Dad, can I give you a pez haircut?"

Dad - "Uh . . . sure."

Kid - "Cool. You won't feel a thing."

The kid then started running his empty pez dispenser all over the poor guy's head . . . apparently shaving off a giant bag full of hair that only he could see. The kid was good, too. I inexplicably found myself thinking that I would actually go to him for a haircut the next time I need one, except for that whole "this-isn't-real" thing. The best part of the whole exchange though, had to be the sound effects. I suddenly felt like I was back in junior-high watching a Police Academy movie with all of the "wizz"es and "grr"s this kid came up with. Who knew that a crappy Darth Vader pez dispenser could be so useful?

Now I'm no expert, but wouldn't the field of hair styling and follicle grooming be much improved if pez dispensers (and other candy containers, for that matter) could actually cut hair?

Here's to you, lil' guy. Maybe someday we can all live in a world where people are finally able to move past our differences and just get along, College Football is played all year long, and a pez haircut is never farther away than your local corner-barbershop.

Or candy store.


Ben O.